Here's a Thought (and then a question)

I realize that I haven't blogged in awhile, but I'm not going to feel bad about it because that's just the kind of pressure I was avoiding when I said I would never blog. I just can't feel bad about one more thing I haven't completed.....read on and you'll understand.....

This really has nothing to do with adoption, except that it has EVERYTHING to do with motherhood. "A mother's work is never done." Ever heard that? Well, it's true. And it's driving me CRAZY! What's even more maddening is that I constantly have trouble determining which is the most important thing to devote my time and energy to.

For example, I'm sitting here blogging while at least 5 loads of laundry are sitting in their respective piles jeering at me. Well, it feels like they are jeering. My husband was kind enough to do the dishes for me tonight. Thank you, husband. But, there are SO many things in my life that I always leave undone, not the least of which is the treadmill that stands idle in my upstairs room. I just hate this feeling.

A couple of years ago, I had an epiphany. As I was searching through thousands of digital pictures to arrange into photo books (yet another task undone, by the way) I happened upon pictures like these...

Where was I when these pictures were being taken? I was right there. I wasn't doing any of the tasks that, I'm sure, were driving me crazy at the time. And, when I look at these pictures I have no idea what the rest of the house looked like. Except that I can definitely see a big mess in some of them. But, that mess doesn't bother me. Seeing my life in pictures brought me perspective.

Isn't that an awesome thought! I don't want to be Debbie Downer here, but it didn't last. It never lasts.

I just tucked the boys in bed about an hour ago and snuggled with them. Zach and I had a sweet conversation that allowed me so see into his tender little heart. While I was snuggling him up, I though to myself - this is what matters. I will not worry over all the "stuff" that clouds up my mind and makes me so irritable that I lose my patience with this sweet little boy. Then, I came into the living room, started on the laundry basket, saw the rest of the laundry and it all unraveled. It just doesn't stick.

So, someone help me out. I either need to know how to keep it all done (which is never going to happen b/c I'm not that kinda girl). Or, I need to find a way to be okay that "it" is not done and never will be. It seems like some mothers aren't disturbed about this issue like I am. If you are one of those mothers, tell me - what is the secret to this impossible mission of motherhood?

"Need is All Around Us"

A few weeks ago I referenced a blog post by Suzanne Mayernick, in which she discusses what constitutes a "real" orphan. The discussion really centers more around where the most urgent need is, with regards to orphans, and is there such a thing as adoption that is not addressing "real needs." I would say no. For sure. Every child needs a family and permanent home.

But one brave reader of Suzanne's blog stepped out and shed, what I believe, is VERY important light. Here is her comment (copied directly from the blog):

"Need is all around us. However, where I DON'T believe there is a need and where I think people are missing it is the people who line up for YEARS AND YEARS for a HEALTHY WHITE INFANT."

That's a pretty bold statement, don't ya think? But I think there is something right about what she said. I don't hear her saying that those who adopt a healthy white infant have not met a need. I know many of you who were adopted as "healthy white infants" would agree that your parents met a need. Rather, I think what she is saying is this - there is a SURPLUS of couples who are eager to meet that need. At the same time, there is SHORTAGE of couples who are willing to adopt a child who is older, of another race, has special needs, or is currently in foster care. I think this is something worth considering.

God will always place the right child with the right family. That I know. I also know that the Lord is moving in the hearts of Christ followers to run toward the need of those children who are neglected, even in the world of adoption. Jesus himself sought out those people who were overlooked and even cast out by others. If we are truly his followers, we will do the same.

"As if he was born to you."

We went to our adoption training Saturday and heard more about the ins and outs of this process. It was very helpful, especially to be around others who are adopting. We heard from speakers on topics covering the legalities of adoption, newborn/infant care, fetal alcohol syndrome, open adoption arrangements, etc...

While listening to the speaker who presented information about the legal process of domestic adoption, I was moved by something he said. He explained that six months after our baby comes home with us, we will go to court for finalization. On this day, we will stand before a judge, who will make sure we understand the permanency of the adoption. I found an excerpt from the blog of a new friend of mine, where she describes this day...

Today is a day that will remain in my heart and mind forever. We went to court to finalize the adoption. My husband and I had to swear in and each take the witness stand. The lawyer asked us both several questions, but the one that repeats in my mind is: "You understand this is more than just a custody hearing. As of today, this child will be your son. He will inherit from you. If your marriage should dissolve, you will be asked to pay child support. It will be as if he was born unto you. You understand this?"

"As if he was born unto you"....WOW! As the lawyer who spoke on Saturday described the court finalization to us in the same way, I thought - this is the gospel of Christ! There are so many ways in which adoption captures the truth and beauty of the gospel. And, the imagery here runs deep with the mighty power of God's love.

Someday, I will stand before God, the rightful Judge of His creation, and there will be no mistaking who I am - a sinner who falls short of the holiness of God. I should at that point be separated from God forever - He is holy, I am not. But, instead, I will be CLAIMED as His child - AS IF I WAS BORN UNTO HIM. The Bible says that I was born into sin. Not a tendency to sin, but a slave to sin, one who loves sin and serves myself rather than serving God. A love of what brings MYSELF pleasure, attention and satisfaction rather than what brings God pleasure and attention, to His satisfaction. I have been a Christian for 23 years now, and this love of sin is still familiar to me.

BUT I am no longer a slave to it. As my husband recently said, it is important to remember where we come from to appreciate where we are now. I don't mean that in the sense of my level of virtue. So many times Christians communicate to the world that the mark of a Christian is the level of that person's morality. Morality is one aspect of living as a follower of Jesus, but the mark of a true Christian is humility.

We know where we came from - that we were helpless to save ourselves from our own love of sin. We know that we were outside a relationship with the Father. Spiritually speaking, we were orphans. And we know that it was God's work, through Jesus, that brought us out of that situation into sonship - being adopted as children of God. I cannot credit my salvation to myself any more than an orphan can credit his adoption to himself. I was saved, rescued. And I find that as I am growing with Christ, I grow even more dependent on Him. One phrase from a beautiful Andrew Peterson song says this, "The love of Jesus, it is like the widow's oil. When it's all you have, it's all you'll ever need...The closer that I grow, the more I come to know how much I need it."

I feel like adoption has so many dimensions that reflect God's love. It's brilliant, really. I'd like to say I was smart enough to draw these beautiful parallels between adoption and God's love, but nope. God himself chose to use the imagery of adoption to describe our salvation. "For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, 'Abba! Father!' The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs - heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ..." Romans 8:14-17

So, I'm pretty sure I'm going to cry a good bit that day when we stand before the judge and hear that our child is declared OURS - permanently and securely OURS....as if he or she was born to us. And, I will have the knowledge that this glorious day is but a shadow of what is to come.

$ Tuesday's Tally $

We have some exciting news for everyone! Almost 250 people have commented on our article at Six Seeds, which means another (almost) $500 has been added to our adoption account. So, the grand total we have raised toward our adoption is nearly $2831 - in just two months!!! Praise be to God! And, thanks to all of you who are helping us!

We still need around 1000 people to comment on our article in order to max out the $2500 that Six Seeds is willing to give to our adoption. Please keep spreading the word for us. (Only one comment per email address counts towards our adoption.) The fundraiser goes for the entire month of November, so hopefully we can make it!

I am more and more impressed with how Six Seeds runs their organization! It seems that they really want to promote families serving their communities - no hidden agenda. Who'd of thunk? And, it is really interesting when you read the story behind their name, which explains how they are funded. Amazing! This is a great example of people doing the right things with their money. And, we are so grateful for their generosity!

Transracial Adoption - "Uncut"

My (almost) seven year old son, Zach, and I went on a date the other night. When we were eating at the mall food court (his choice), I asked him how he is feeling about our adoption. I specifically asked him what he would think of having a brother or sister with a different skin color. Now, we have talked openly about this aspect of our adoption with our children from the beginning and welcomed their thoughts and questions. This was just one of many conversations we have had. (And, as a point of clarification, we are open to any race. So, we are just as open to a child with light skin. We have been told, though, that because we are open to adopting an African American baby that we will likely get an African American baby.) Anyway, back to the story....

Here's how our conversation went:

Me: "What would you think if the baby we adopt has dark skin?"

Zach: "Well, that's just a part of life, I guess. Some mommies and daddies have dark skin and their baby may have light skin. And, some mommies and daddies have light skin and have some babies with light skin and some with dark skin, like our family."

I could approach this subject from many angles, but I think I'll go with Zach's angle. What if we all saw multi-ethnic families as just a normal part of life? What if we were free from the tension that comes with race issues in our society? To borrow a phrase from my pastor, "That would be like trying to explain to a fish what it is like to feel dry." We have no context for that.

As I said in my last post, our decision to be open to transracial adoption did not come without reservation. I explained some of my fears already. But, here's what it came down to - on what was I going to base this decision?

We know that the issues involved with adopting transracially are real. There will be uncomfortable moments for us, our child, and others. I figure there will be hurtful moments. I don't look forward to it and I don't feel prepared for it. But, I'm certainly not going to reject a child of a different skin color because society has made it hard for him/her to be accepted. It seems to me that that line of reasoning would fall under the old adage, "Two wrongs don't make a right."

We have talked with a lot of people who have experienced what it is like to live as a multi-ethnic family. Since we don't have any personal experience yet, I think it is best to rely on these voices. I've been told by these families that they forget about the issue within their family, until they go into public. Then, people's stares and awkward questions remind them that they are different.

I think the greatest challenge will be learning how to handle these questions gracefully while not feeling the need to explain. I could go into a lengthy explanation of how God's love transcends skin color and that He has made us a family. Yada, yada, yada... Or, I could just let them see us as a family. I really think the family love we have for one another will speak for itself.

Will our adopted child have identity issues - YES! Will Zach and Sam have identity issues - YES! Did I have identity issues - YES! Didn't you? God used one friend, in particular, to speak words of encouragement to me on this issue. She said that every kid has identity issues. She had those issues growing up as a little girl with dark skin and I had them growing up as a little girl with light skin. Then she said, "Angie, you will teach your child to find his/her identity in Christ. God will show you how to do this, just as He has shown you how to do this with your boys. And, that will be enough." Alrighty, then. That's good enough for me.

There is one aspect of this issue that stands out among the rest. We have heard from a family in Memphis who adopted their child (who has dark skin) from Memphis. The mother says that when they are out and asked about their son people ask where they adopted him from. And, when the mother answers that he came from Memphis, the person asking seems disappointed because he wasn't adopted from somewhere like Ethiopia. She said that it is as if people understand why someone would want a black child if he came from another country, but not from their own city.

When I heard of her experience, I wondered if this might simply be her perception or if it is really the case. Then, we learned that in our country hundreds of families are waiting to adopt a healthy, white infant. In the case of our adoption agency, if you are waiting for a healthy, white infant the average wait time is a year and a half to three years. However, there is NO wait time to adopt an African American infant, and boys are the last to be adopted. Yuck!

I dread the day that Zach has to come to the realization that things are not as they seem in his innocent seven year old experience. Many people don't see that being a multi-ethnic family is "just part of life." It does make me smile inside, though, to think that when he is introduced to this notion he will think - that's weird.

David and I are inexperienced in transracial adoption, but we aren't naive. We know that in our society there are deep distortions about what makes a person valuable and acceptable. So, we have two choices - reject those distortions and accept whatever child God brings to us. Or, accept those distortions, causing us to reject some children who need a home. We know that the issues that may arise are not simple, but the choice we have before us is.

FAQ's - Transracial Adoption - Preface

A good friend asked this question the other day as we were discussing our adoption, "So, are you thinking - red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight?" (Her way of asking if we are open to adopting a child of any ethnicity.) I loved the way she asked because I was able to say, simply, "Yes."

Yes, we are willing to welcome into our family a child of any ethnicity. I have TONS to say about this. Here's a little backstory - in the past few years God has awakened us to the darkness of racial preferences and has sown in us a DEEP passion to see this darkness pierced by the gospel of Jesus Christ. We have been involved in a church plant in our city that was started with this driving passion. We're pretty serious about it!

And, yet, when we started talking about adopting, I didn't know if I could love a child of another ethnicity as my own. I'm just being honest. This is another thing that was holding me back from starting the adoption process. I knew that it was right for us to be open to adopting a child of any ethnicity, but I was scared of what that would mean. For example, when I looked at black children at the park, I couldn't picture these kids as my own (probably because they weren't my own!)

I asked the Lord to change my heart. This sounds WAY too simple to say, but He changed my heart. How? I don't know - He's God! All I know is that over a period of time my heart grew a special affection for having a child in our family who doesn't share our skin tone. When the face of our next child flashes through my mind now, that precious little face does not have light skin. When I see families who have adopted transracially, it seems normal to me. It's just not an issue now. So, God answered my prayer.

I'm going to post much more about this issue of transracial adoption, but I wanted to start with this "preface" for a reason. I don't think any of us are "color blind" (whatever that really means). We all have a predisposition to prefer those who are like us. This is a fact - and a sin. Even though David and I are so passionate about racial reconciliation, my own heart struggled to line up with all the things I believe so deeply. I tried to talk to myself about this, but I didn't listen. : ) I worried over all the implications that a transracial adoption would mean for our family. I worried about adopting a child of a different ethnicity and that child resenting me for it. I worried about what was wrong with me and how I was going to fix it. All the energy this required made me realize that reconciliation at any level is a work of God and that I needed Him to work on my own heart. And He did.

So, if you have experienced some of these same reservations about adopting a child that is different from you, don't be discouraged. Just because it is a struggle doesn't mean that it isn't for you. I'm sure that most people who adopt a child of a different ethnicity have had the same feelings and questions I had. And, like every other issue that arises with your adoption, God will do whatever it takes to bring your child home. Even if it means conquering the fears in your very own heart.

$ Tuesday's Tally $

Our tally hasn't changed since last week, but we are anticipating much success in the coming weeks with our upcoming fundraisers, Lord willing.

I have already posted about our mini-photo sessions being offered on November 13th. Did you see that little piece of linkage that I so skillfully snuck in there? You can use that link to find more information about the mini photo sessions and to SIGN UP! We're opening the floodgates to all prospective takers! Let the games begin! Don't miss this golden opportunity! First come, first serve!!! Enough of these "subtle" manipulation tactics...

...Now I'm moving on to open begging! Our second fundraising opportunity is an "all hands on deck" type of deal. We need exactly $1,250 people to help us raise our next $2500. (Or someone with a whole lotta gmail accounts.) Read on...

Here's the backstory....The Six Seeds organization is willing to donate up to $2500 to our adoption through a specific fundraising effort during the month of November. This group has created a pro-family website and email newsletter (which they call "e-zine") that is meant to highlight positive news and information for families. Here's their mission statement: "We inspire and equip family based service and giving to those in need. By serving together as a family, we seek to cultivate those virtues in our children… and in ourselves!" It is really great. AND they are acknowledging Adoption Sunday (November 7th) by featuring stories of families who have adopted and are adopting. By God's providence, WE HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO BE ONE OF THE FAMILIES FEATURED - WOOHOOO!

Six Seeds is being so generous as to donate $2.00 to our adoption for every person who comments on our article for the month of November - up to $2500! When you comment, your email address is required in order for the money to be applied to our adoption. Six Seeds will automatically subscribe you to their free e-zine newsletter. If you are not interested, you can unsubscribe.

So, you can see why we need "all hands on deck" for this fundraising project! We will be asking all our Facebook friends and those of you who read our blog to spread the word. The fundraiser will run for the month of November and we are hoping to max out the entire $2500!!!

$ Tuesday's Tally $

We haven't done any fundraising this week, but our total has still increased by $100! See, that amazes me! We received two checks in the mail and someone brought money by our house. In some cases, these are people who know us personally and love our family, but some of the people who are giving so generously don't even know us! In all cases, it seems that people are giving because they love ADOPTION, which makes my heart sing!!!

I have to be honest - sometimes I feel a little funny being so open about the financial need of our adoption. It is humbling to ask other people for money, no matter how you cut it. But, we have also been on the other side of adoption fundraising. It has been a blessing to give money for adoption and we appreciated those opportunities. In those cases, it was as if God was designating His money (that He has given to us) for that purpose. When I look at it this way, I have no problem at all. We are just so grateful that other people feel the same way!

Anyhoo.....I mentioned last week that we have a fundraising project coming up November 13th that I'm really excited about. We will be holding mini photo sessions with a couple of AWESOME photographers from the area. For $50 you can have your family's photo taken and will receive an edited jpeg image of the best photo. You can use this jpeg for your Christmas cards, gifts, etc. Just imagine the possibilities!! Sign up information is coming soon.

Also, our family has been selected to be featured in an online magazine article with sixseeds.org for the month of November! This is another FANTASTIC fundraising opportunity. Starting November 1st the article will be posted and open for comments. For every person who comments on our article SixSeeds will donate $2.00 to our adoption, up to $2500! We are so grateful for their generosity and support of adoption! And, their e-zine (online newsletter) has a lot of very cool, positive information for families. We will need everyone's help in passing the word so we can max out the entire $2500! Please stay tuned...

As I explained in our last Tuesday's Tally post, our fundraising goal is $13,500. Here's the grand total to date, with a little help from our kids....

That's $2331.50, in case you can't tell ; )

FAQ's - Boy or Girl?

I am frequently asked, "What kind of baby are you getting?" There are so many ways to have fun with this question! One friend said that when she was asked this question she started answering, "We're hoping for human." Perfect.

A lot of people ask if we are hoping for a girl since we have boys. The answer is no. (Although my niece will say YES - she is the only girl of the five grandkids in our family!) We LOVE having boys and we will LOVE having a girl if that's who God sends us.

We are open to either gender and any race. More on that later....

FAQ's - Why? Part 2

Why are we adopting?

In part one, I said that my first answer to this question is, "Because there are orphans." But, I realize that isn't the answer people are looking for. I think they are usually asking because they want to know what has led us to this decision. So, here's my answer to that one:

We have both always wanted to adopt. I think David and I have always sensed that there is something "right" about adopting, although our desire to adopt always seemed like something we would do "someday." About three years ago, we walked through the adoption process with some close friends of ours. It was through this experience that I first began to understand adoption rightly - as a normal way to grow a family. I saw that adoption is not "plan B" for growing a family, as many people perceive. (I can tell, for example, that some people are perplexed when we say that we are adopting, since we have been able to have children biologically.) Through this experience with our friends, our desire to adopt began to take shape and seemed to be approaching sooner than later.

But, there was still something holding me up. I didn't want to adopt a child simply because I am passionate about adoption itself. I wanted to have the desire to grow our family. I wanted our adoption to be in response to a personal longing for a child, not a personal desire to participate in a "cause." I asked God to grow this desire in my heart.

Well, I got my answer to that prayer just a few months later, when I experienced a miscarriage. We had not exactly planned this pregnancy, but I knew that every life is a gift of God and had grown excited about the idea of having three kids. When that pregnancy ended, I believe I processed through the grief completely, but there was something God allowed to remain - a desire for another child. But, I really believed that our third child would come to us through adoption. Surprisingly, I did not have grief about never experiencing pregnancy or childbirth again. Not at all. My desire to adopt grew deep.

Then, almost a year later, I was surprised to find that I was pregnant again. There were a lot of emotions at that time and confusion was certainly one of them. I had really believed we would be adopting our next child, but I also knew that God is in control and doesn't make mistakes. Several weeks later, though, I miscarried again. This was a very painful experience that made absolutely no sense. It all felt like a waste, but I knew that God wastes nothing in my life. We still don't know what purpose this miscarriage served, but we realize that we don't need to understand the purpose. As I often tell our oldest son, our job is not to understand everything God does but to trust God in everything He does.

For both me and David, our desire to adopt remained and strengthened yet again. We are now sure that I will not be getting pregnant again. (I'll leave it at that!) The miscarriages confirmed what we already knew, that God meant to bring our next child into our lives through adoption.

All I can say is that God shaped my desires according to the plans He has for us and our child. That has been the case with many aspects of our adoption. This confirms to me that God has an intricate plan for each life and that His plan will be accomplished. That's why it is important to understand that adoption is not a "plan B" for growing a family.

We think that we plan our families - how far apart our kids will be, what time of year our kids will be born, how many children we will have, etc. It is frustrating and sometimes devastating when those plans aren't realized. I would say that we had "planned" to have our first son. (Although we had to wait a lot longer than I had "planned.") Then, our second son was a complete surprise. Do you think I look at our youngest son and think, "This child wasn't my plan, so I love him less." Of course not! In fact, he is a living reminder to me that God knows better than I do.

This is the story of our experience and how we've gotten to this place. Why are we adopting? Because this is what God has told us to do. Again, it sounds too simple but it's the only answer I have to give. He has shaped our circumstances and desires so that we will move in this direction. God has a plan for our family and our next child. He will see to it that His plan is accomplished. Someday, we will look at this child, much like I look at our youngest son, and think of how God knows better than we do. For now, it is enough to believe that it is true.

New Life

Most of my posts are pretty heavy - not so today. I'm just reflecting on the new little lives that I've celebrated with friends this week. Last night a friend of mine gave birth to her son, and I visited another friend of mine who had her twin baby boys last week. (By the way, I LOVE all these boys!) When I saw those precious little babies I was thinking ahead about the little life God has planned for our family.

People often say that, before they adopt, they wonder if they will love their child as much as a biological child is loved. Will the bond be there? I have no doubt that it will. I felt a special connection with the babies I met this week, simply because of the love I have for their families. Their families belong to our church family, so we are knitted together with them. This is a work of God, our creator. He creates life and is the author of love. In fact, God IS love, and He has already placed that love for our child in our hearts!

So, this is one of those times that I feel excited. Right now, this all seems very real. We're getting a baby...can you believe it?

$ Tuesday's Tally $

I guess this could belong in the FAQ's category because people are always asking us how much the adoption will cost. Our adoption will cost us about $15,000 total. Some of that amount is paid along the way and the remainder is due at placement (when we bring our baby home.) It has been amazing to see everyone's willingness to pray for God's provision for this financial need and to be so generous.

We were really encouraged several months ago when we learned that Congress had passed an extension on the Adoption Tax Credit, which was set to expire at the end of 2010. Now, it is extended to the end of 2011 at least and has been increased to $13,000! We believe this is a great opportunity to see adoption fundraising dollars multiplied over and over again. For example, when we receive our tax credit, we are planning the give whatever amount of that total that we raised to our church's adoption fund. So, other families who are called to adopt will have funds available. Hey, if the government is going to help us out we want to make the most of it! So, we hope to raise as much as we possibly can this time around!!!

I will start posting a "Tuesday's Tally" each week to let you know about the progress we are making in our fundraising. Today I deposited the $2,231.50 we raised at our yard sale. Yippee!!! The sad thing is, Sam is really disappointed! The boys knew that we were having the yard sale to raise money for the adoption. Apparently, he thought we would have a baby immediately because when we left the bank he started crying and said, "They didn't give us our baby!" Uh oh! I guess there's more explaining to do.

I'm really excited about our next fundraising project! We will be offering mini photo sessions for families to have their picture made by a professional photographer. We will be holding these mini-sessions Saturday, November 13th. For $50 you will have your photo taken and receive an edited jpeg image of the best photo from the session that you can use for Christmas cards, gifts and such. We will have more information soon, but I wanted to let you know the save the date and spread the word!

FAQ's - Why? Part 1

When I thought about starting a blog, this is the post I thought would come first. Actually, it will be a series of posts, so you'll have to stay tuned. In an effort to catch everyone up to speed, I want to answer the frequently asked questions about our adoption. I've learned that people are very willing to ask all kinds of questions when they learn that we are adopting, which is great because I love the opportunity to share.

Question #1 - Why?

The first answer that comes to my mind when I am asked this question is: "Because there are orphans." I hesitate to answer in that way, though, because I don't want to seem condescending, as if the person asking isn't aware. However, not too long ago I was unaware of the orphan crisis. There are over 147 million orphans worldwide and even more children who are fatherless and vulnerable. I say I was unaware of this crisis, but I'm sure I had heard the staggering numbers like everyone else has. And, my response was minimal precisely because the numbers are so staggering. When I hear of such a great need I tend to feel paralyzed.

There is an awesome Sara Groves song called, "The Long Defeat," in which she tells the story of a physician who served in an area where the poverty and sickness was devastating. Because he was among the people there, he was sure to die along with them. And eventually, he did.

Here are some of the lyrics:

I have joined the long defeat

that falling set in motion

all my strength and energy

are raindrops in the ocean

so conditioned for the win

to share in victor's stories

but in the place of ambition's din

I've heard of other glories

I pray for an idea

and a way I cannot see

It's too heavy to carry

and impossible to leave

I can't just fight when I think I'll win

that's the end of all belief

and nothing has provoked it more

than a possible defeat

This, I think, is the right response to the overwhelming nature of the orphan crisis. Our family alone cannot turn the whole thing around. But, we also cannot abstain from it. We have the choice whether or not to engage in the crisis - the orphans do not. They are in it. A friend of mine said, "Not everyone is called to adopt, but every Christian is called to care about it."

Some are motivated by thinking that even though we cannot take care of every one of the 147 million orphans, every little bit counts. That is true and it is motivating. It makes all the difference in the life of that one child who is adopted. But, what really motivates me is this question - Am I in or am I out? I don't decide whether or not to respond based on how effective my response will be. I base my response on the need - either I will respond or ignore the need, and scripture clearly mandates that Christians care for orphans in some way. The question then changes from "Will I respond?" to "How will I respond?"

Just imagine what a difference it will make if this generation of kids thinks that adoption is normal. When many of them grow up with siblings or close friends who were adopted. They won't have to decide whether or not adoption is on their radar...it already will be. One little boy, whose sister was recently adopted from Ethopia, was confused when he learned that a new car could cost $30,000. He said to his mom, "Why would someone buy a new car when they could use that money to adopt instead?" That's powerful.

When I was unaware of the orphan crisis, I wasn't unaware that the problems exists....I was unaware of the orphans THEMSELVES. Here's what has changed for me.....I know a little girl who was adopted from China. As a newborn she was left in a bucket to die until someone found her and took her to an orphanage. When I met this little girl she was energetic and had a huge smile! Now she's just a regular kid.....We walked through the adoption process with some close friends of ours. Their little boy now comes and plays in my backyard almost every day - he is like a little brother to my boys.....I went to visit my college friend when her baby girl came home from Ethopia, just as I had when her biological children were born. When I held that baby I couldn't help but think about what her life had been like just two weeks before when she was one of many children in an orphanage. These are precious children and the experience of knowing them makes the orphan crisis real to me.

And, since you are on this journey with us, the orphan crisis has already become more real to you. When you celebrate the arrival of our baby with us, your "awareness" of the orphan crisis will be markedly different - it will be about a child instead of a number. Adoption is not some intangible social crisis when you personally know a child who is adopted. You see God's plan unfold before your eyes and it no longer makes sense to ask "why" when someone says they are adopting. The answer is obvious - because there are still orphans.

Yard Sale Pics!

What do I love more about our yard sale - that we raised over $2200 or that I got to be with our crazy friends since before the sun came up???? Probably the money because I never like to be up before the sun. But, I do believe fun was had by all!!

The kids of City Fellowship - Bake Sale!!

Working in "Housewares" Aisle 2

These ladies are professionals!

I love this man!

My Feet

I just spent all day working like crazy at our yard sale. I've been on my feet most of the day and they hurt. I guess you could say that I have a heightened awareness of my feet right now, given the throbbing sensation that won't go away. So, thinking of my feet got me thinking about this....

There are some things in scripture that only make sense when you experience them. Cosmic spiritual truths are understood in the "everydayness" of life. (loosely quoted from our pastor) Here's the cosmic truth that has been taught to me through the "everydayness" of our yard sale today - I feel like my feet have been washed by those in our church.

From John 13:12-15 "When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you."

I just sat amazed today as I watched so many fellow members of our church work at our yard sale like ants on a crumb cake. It was amazing! I kept marveling at the amount of HARD work and hours these people were willing to devote to something that had absolutely no pay off for them personally. You could say that they were helping a "good cause", since the proceeds of the sale are going to our adoption, but it was way more than that. I could tell their hearts were in it. They wanted to be there. It was amazing! (Have I mentioned that?)

I really did sit there and think of how good it felt to have all these people serving us. It felt really good. I sat there, struggling to keep myself from feeling guilty that they were making such a sacrifice and I had no way to repay them. I thought about how it was like getting a really good foot rub. (Maybe because my feet hurt!) And, because I love a good segue.....

This is what Jesus is talking about when he commands his disciples to wash each other's feet just as he had done to them. I'm sure the disciples were struggling the same way I was today, thinking, "This shouldn't be happening. This is not a pleasant job and Jesus surely doesn't need to be the one to do it. I can't believe he's willing to do this."

But it really does feel good, and I think Jesus meant for it to. When my church family was serving us today it felt good because it was love. It was their love for Jesus, and their love for our family, and their love for our baby. One friend said, "I feel like we are bringing a baby into OUR family, not just your family."

I am unapologetic about the fact that I "plug" adoption on this blog. Can I just take this opportunity to "plug" the local church? People have a wide range of experiences regarding church. Of course, I can't speak about what I don't know in those cases. But, I do know what it is like to live our lives together with people who we love deeply and who love us deeply! It's not the reason we are a part of a church - that is because we worship Jesus as Lord and Savior. But I cannot describe to you what it is like to be surrounded by people who love Jesus more than themselves and extend that love to us. I hope that if you don't know what this is like that you will want to find out.

The church is known for a lot of things - good and bad. The Bible says that this is the way the church is to be known: "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35

Thank you, City Fellowship, for loving us today! WE LOVE YOU!

P.S. We have already made over $1000, and the sale doesn't officially start until tomorrow morning!!!

What a Mother Does

Every mother releases her child at some point. At least, she is supposed to. We release them a little along the way (kindergarten, overnight trips, driver's license, etc...) until it is eventually time to release them fully into the world as adults. I've been told that this task of releasing a child requires more commitment and sacrifice than the many years of active mothering. It can be the most heart wrenching thing we ever experience as mothers. But every good mother knows that, at the right time, it is what her child needs. It is the right thing to do.

This act of releasing is what I believe is going on in the heart of a birthmother who chooses to place her child for adoption. She is releasing her child at the right time because it is what her child needs. It is the right thing to do.

My perception of birthmothers was shaped many years ago, not through a Lifetime movie, but by walking with a friend of mine through this releasing process. When this friend found out that she was pregnant, she was already caring for a toddler and struggling to maintain stability for the both of them. She was a smart, loving, and devoted mother. Over a period of time, it became obvious to her that the Lord was calling her to place her unborn child for adoption. She devoted her time and energy to finding the right home for her child and preparing herself emotionally and spiritually for the task that was ahead. She kept a small notebook of scripture that she memorized, to strengthen her heart and her resolve. When the baby was born, I watched her care for him while in the hospital, whisper precious words in his ear, and eventually release him into the arms of the parents God chose for him.

That is an accurate picture of one birthmother's experience. I realize that this is not always how it goes. Sometimes women in this situation are irresponsible and selfish. I'm sure my friend is not the rule when it comes to birthmothers, but she is not the exception either. I have noticed already that the way people generally perceive birthmothers is not at all balanced.

We are receiving such a positive response when people find out we are adopting. They understand, for the most part, that this is something we feel called to do. We are being obedient to that call and we are encouraged for it. A birthmother who is called to place her child for adoption is also being obedient to what God is calling her to do, and many times she is criticized for it. Not openly criticized, usually, but often in the way she is overlooked.

One thing we appreciate most about the agency we are using for this adoption is the way they care for birthmothers. There is much counseling (before, during and after) that goes into the life of each woman. The agency is committed to educating people about a birthmother's experience and helping people take time to see the adoption from her vantage point. Our case worker spent time at our first interview educating us. She told us, for example, the accurate way to speak about adoption. Instead of saying a birth mom "gave her baby up for adoption" we were taught to say "placed the baby for adoption." This may seem like nothing more than political correctness, but it's so much more. It is an accurate way to describe someone who chose life over death for her child then took proper care in finding that child the right home. In our training, we were recently required to watch a video of several birth moms (and dads) describe their experience years after the adoption. This was incredibly helpful. These people obviously love the children they placed for adoption very much! As one person commented, "It isn't as if these babies are unwanted!"

After watching that video I left with the same impression that I first formed while watching my friend walk through this painful journey. These women knew when it was the right time to release their children. They took on the pain and made the personal sacrifice in order to give their children what they needed. Isn't this what every mother does?

We are praying now for the woman who is likely pregnant at this point and will be choosing our family to adopt her baby. We pray for God's peace and comfort for her. We aren't praying that she won't change her mind because (as one of my good, smart friends said) this IS her child. The baby will only be ours when she decides to fully release him or her to us. Then, we will pray that God will reward her obedience with the continual assurance that this was His plan and that because He doesn't make mistakes, neither has she.

The Cost

So, here's the deal. Most everything I have to say is really something I heard someone else say. I just know a lot of smart people. Anyway, this post is about something one of my friends said as she and her husband were in the adoption process. It's about the the high cost of adoption.

Adoption is very expensive. Our adoption is going to cost around $15,000. International adoption is roughly about twice that. You don't finance the total amount and make payments over time. You must have the entire amount paid before you can bring your child home.

Everyone (including myself) wonders - "How can it be that there are 147 million orphans in the world and adoption is still so expensive?" I've realized that there is really not one simple answer to that question. In some cases, there is corruption involved that raises the cost. In the case of the agency we are using, the money we pay goes towards funding an entire ministry for women as they walk the difficult path of an unplanned pregnancy. I'm sure there are many, many other reasons.

But I think my friend had the best "answer" to this question. She really didn't mind the cost. It didn't deter her either. In fact, she said there is something significant in the fact that adoption costs so much when you think in light of the gospel. The cost of our spiritual adoption was very high - it cost Jesus his life. God wasn't deterred at the high cost of our adoption, even though it was our sin that drove the cost so high.

The financial cost of adoption is one main reason people do not consider adopting in their own family. I get that and realize there is no one size fits all answer for that issue. But I also know that, of the families I know who have adopted, none of them had an extra $15,000-$30,000 lying around. (We certainly don't!) When you are called to adopt you will know it. And the cost of that calling will not deter you, even as the cost of Christ's calling did not deter him.

The high cost causes people to trust God as provider. As the pastor of our church often says - "We need to realize that, through Jesus, our problem has been solved." We think we have a lot of problems. Our one real problem is our own love of sin that separates us from a loving God. Jesus willingly paid the high cost to purchase salvation for us. Our problem has been solved if we accept this salvation that Jesus has bought. What's $15,000, then, to God?

The high cost of adoption also causes the church to function as the Body of Christ. It is God's own Spirit who is moving when believers of Jesus are led to respond to the need of orphans. I am constantly aware that we are not alone in this process. It is significant that our family cannot afford this adoption alone. And, it is a kindness of God to mobilize the church in helping us bring our baby home. Christ himself is represented through the Body of believers in this way.

I can't really end this post without mentioning the cost of adoption that cannot be quantified by dollar signs. When a mother's selfless love compels her to place her child for adoption - that is sacrifice. One birth mother from another country made this comment about why she wanted her child to be adopted, "I know that I am going to die of poverty, but I don't want my baby to die of poverty, too." Adoption is beautiful, but there is always pain, too. I want to remember that even as we are paying a high financial cost to welcome this baby into our home, someone else is paying the high cost of emotional pain for the sake of this child.

So, I don't mind the cost.

What are we doing???

I saw a church sign that read something like this, "Always make sure your words are tasteful because you may have to eat them someday." Today is the day I eat my words. Stink! I said I would never have a blog of my own. To me, a blog has always felt like too much pressure. I have never wanted the pressure of having something read-worthy to say. I surely don't want the pressure of having a blog site that is visually appealing. (If you want this blog to look good, you'll probably have to step in and help!) Also, I have enough trouble keeping up with my existing relationships - I don't want to create a forum for keeping up with virtual relationships that I'll probably neglect like I do on Facebook. Anyway, despite all this pressure, we have one compelling reason to start our own blog.....we are adopting.

There's so much I want to say about adoption, so I'll have to try and unload my thoughts in a series of coherent blog posts. But for now one thing sticks out that is most relevant. God has called us to adopt and the primary means He used to make this a reality in our lives is others who have adopted. We have walked through the adoption process very closely with some and from a distance with others. But, every time God used those people to speak to us about adoption, saying to us - adoption is normal. It is not the most "typical" way people grow their family, but it is a normal way to grow a family. It is a beautiful way. We have two sons who are ours biologically. Now we will have a son or daughter who will come to us through adoption. Why? Because God has told us that this is His plan for our next child. It's really that simple.

So, that is the reason this blog exists. All of my reservations about blogging listed above are overcome by the hope that the thoughts we share about our adoption journey might be used by God to encourage others to adopt or support adoption in some way.

People are always asking us if we are excited to be adopting a new baby. Hmmm....The most honest answer right now would be no. I would say my emotions are more complicated than that at this point. We are definitely passionate about adoption. We are steadfast about our calling and sure in our decision. But, we are also very nervous and unsure about what to expect. We often say to each other, "What are we doing?" Right now this whole thing is very intangible. Sometimes we feel like we are crazy.

But then, there are times I experience a strong sense of anticipation and it all makes sense....when I think about our child's face. Of course I have no way of knowing what our child will look like, but sometimes I can see his or her face flash through my mind for an instant -then it's gone. So, I've decided that excitement is an emotion that isn't necessary in terms of motivation. All we need is faith, and God has given us that. That's why I decided to name our blog "Believing is Seeing."

Some of our close friends just brought their daughter home from Ethiopia. My friend wrote a blog post about seeing their baby girl for the first time entitled, "Faith becomes Sight." I'm planning to use that as the name of our post when we announce our baby's arrival. I keep an announcement of that baby girl's homecoming in my kitchen windowsill so I can remember that this process is very real. There is a child at the end of this process. My body isn't changing as we move toward the arrival of our son or daughter, but our faith is growing every day. And, someday that faith will become sight. Then, maybe I won't have to blog anymore! ; )