In part one, I said that my first answer to this question is, "Because there are orphans." But, I realize that isn't the answer people are looking for. I think they are usually asking because they want to know what has led us to this decision. So, here's my answer to that one:
We have both always wanted to adopt. I think David and I have always sensed that there is something "right" about adopting, although our desire to adopt always seemed like something we would do "someday." About three years ago, we walked through the adoption process with some close friends of ours. It was through this experience that I first began to understand adoption rightly - as a normal way to grow a family. I saw that adoption is not "plan B" for growing a family, as many people perceive. (I can tell, for example, that some people are perplexed when we say that we are adopting, since we have been able to have children biologically.) Through this experience with our friends, our desire to adopt began to take shape and seemed to be approaching sooner than later.
But, there was still something holding me up. I didn't want to adopt a child simply because I am passionate about adoption itself. I wanted to have the desire to grow our family. I wanted our adoption to be in response to a personal longing for a child, not a personal desire to participate in a "cause." I asked God to grow this desire in my heart.
Well, I got my answer to that prayer just a few months later, when I experienced a miscarriage. We had not exactly planned this pregnancy, but I knew that every life is a gift of God and had grown excited about the idea of having three kids. When that pregnancy ended, I believe I processed through the grief completely, but there was something God allowed to remain - a desire for another child. But, I really believed that our third child would come to us through adoption. Surprisingly, I did not have grief about never experiencing pregnancy or childbirth again. Not at all. My desire to adopt grew deep.
Then, almost a year later, I was surprised to find that I was pregnant again. There were a lot of emotions at that time and confusion was certainly one of them. I had really believed we would be adopting our next child, but I also knew that God is in control and doesn't make mistakes. Several weeks later, though, I miscarried again. This was a very painful experience that made absolutely no sense. It all felt like a waste, but I knew that God wastes nothing in my life. We still don't know what purpose this miscarriage served, but we realize that we don't need to understand the purpose. As I often tell our oldest son, our job is not to understand everything God does but to trust God in everything He does.
For both me and David, our desire to adopt remained and strengthened yet again. We are now sure that I will not be getting pregnant again. (I'll leave it at that!) The miscarriages confirmed what we already knew, that God meant to bring our next child into our lives through adoption.
All I can say is that God shaped my desires according to the plans He has for us and our child. That has been the case with many aspects of our adoption. This confirms to me that God has an intricate plan for each life and that His plan will be accomplished. That's why it is important to understand that adoption is not a "plan B" for growing a family.
We think that we plan our families - how far apart our kids will be, what time of year our kids will be born, how many children we will have, etc. It is frustrating and sometimes devastating when those plans aren't realized. I would say that we had "planned" to have our first son. (Although we had to wait a lot longer than I had "planned.") Then, our second son was a complete surprise. Do you think I look at our youngest son and think, "This child wasn't my plan, so I love him less." Of course not! In fact, he is a living reminder to me that God knows better than I do.
This is the story of our experience and how we've gotten to this place. Why are we adopting? Because this is what God has told us to do. Again, it sounds too simple but it's the only answer I have to give. He has shaped our circumstances and desires so that we will move in this direction. God has a plan for our family and our next child. He will see to it that His plan is accomplished. Someday, we will look at this child, much like I look at our youngest son, and think of how God knows better than we do. For now, it is enough to believe that it is true.
No comments:
Post a Comment