I realize that I haven't blogged in awhile, but I'm not going to feel bad about it because that's just the kind of pressure I was avoiding when I said I would never blog. I just can't feel bad about one more thing I haven't completed.....read on and you'll understand.....
This really has nothing to do with adoption, except that it has EVERYTHING to do with motherhood. "A mother's work is never done." Ever heard that? Well, it's true. And it's driving me CRAZY! What's even more maddening is that I constantly have trouble determining which is the most important thing to devote my time and energy to.
For example, I'm sitting here blogging while at least 5 loads of laundry are sitting in their respective piles jeering at me. Well, it feels like they are jeering. My husband was kind enough to do the dishes for me tonight. Thank you, husband. But, there are SO many things in my life that I always leave undone, not the least of which is the treadmill that stands idle in my upstairs room. I just hate this feeling.
A couple of years ago, I had an epiphany. As I was searching through thousands of digital pictures to arrange into photo books (yet another task undone, by the way) I happened upon pictures like these...
Where was I when these pictures were being taken? I was right there. I wasn't doing any of the tasks that, I'm sure, were driving me crazy at the time. And, when I look at these pictures I have no idea what the rest of the house looked like. Except that I can definitely see a big mess in some of them. But, that mess doesn't bother me. Seeing my life in pictures brought me perspective.
Isn't that an awesome thought! I don't want to be Debbie Downer here, but it didn't last. It never lasts.
I just tucked the boys in bed about an hour ago and snuggled with them. Zach and I had a sweet conversation that allowed me so see into his tender little heart. While I was snuggling him up, I though to myself - this is what matters. I will not worry over all the "stuff" that clouds up my mind and makes me so irritable that I lose my patience with this sweet little boy. Then, I came into the living room, started on the laundry basket, saw the rest of the laundry and it all unraveled. It just doesn't stick.
So, someone help me out. I either need to know how to keep it all done (which is never going to happen b/c I'm not that kinda girl). Or, I need to find a way to be okay that "it" is not done and never will be. It seems like some mothers aren't disturbed about this issue like I am. If you are one of those mothers, tell me - what is the secret to this impossible mission of motherhood?
