Timeline

First and foremost, we found out today that Evan's birth mom has a court appointment for Thursday morning to sign the Surrender of Parental Rights. So, please be praying.

The rest of this post will probably be boring to you, but it's really for me. I'm hoping that when I go back and read it, I will be transported back into these memories through the details I share.

Thursday, Sept 29th at 5:44 am:
Evan was born. We were sleeping, I'm sure ; )

Friday, Sept 30th in the evening:
Our social worker called me a couple of times and left a message to call her back. (Please don't ridicule me for this, but my phone was in the van all night and I missed these calls and her texts. Seriously. I still cannot believe I did that.)

Saturday, Oct 1 around 10 am:
After trying my phone again and leaving another message (by this point I realized I didn't have my phone but couldn't find it), our social worker called David's phone. (I listened to her messages later that day, after I found my phone in the van. They were so funny. Every message got increasingly more urgent. Finally, she was like, "Angie, as soon as you get this, please give me a call back as soon as you can. I need to talk to you as soon as possible!!!")

We were sitting on the couch, boys playing in the living room, a nice lazy Saturday morning. David almost didn't answer her call because he didn't recognize the number. She said who she was and we immediately moved to the kitchen to take in and write down everything she said. Getting that call is so intense. I wanted to take in everything she said, fearing I would miss something that would be very important some day.

She told us that a baby boy had been born in Memphis and she gave several details while we just listened. Then, she asked if we would be interested in pursuing this placement, that we could think about it and call her back. We knew our answer, but we did hang up with her to make sure we were on the same page. We called her back and said yes. Then she said that he was ready to be discharged and we could come and get him now.

Ok, let's stop right there. NOW? No matter how excited you are for something like this, it is pretty daunting to hear the word NOW in this situation. We seriously had no idea what to do next. David started picking up the baby's room and I remember him vacuuming. I, of course, was making a lot of phone calls. We told her that we would be able to leave in about an hour and a half. We sat down on the couch and told the boys, who immediately began to LITERALLY bounce off the walls, which made me think, "Oh my soul THREE boys!" Ha ha! David's parents were on their way to get the boys and take them to the pumpkin patch, something exciting for them to do since they didn't get to go to the hospital with us. I had a long moment of struggle while packing up baby things, trying to decide what should be Evan's coming home outfit. I didn't have our newborn baby boy clothes here because I had lent them to a friend. But, I did have a few special baby boy outfits set aside from Zach and Sam, including each of their coming home outfits. I finally decided to choose something entirely different because I was afraid one of them would be jealous to find out that his coming home outfit was not the one Evan wore. (I tend to over think things.) The outfit I chose ended up swallowing the poor boy up! I clearly remember that, after we had packed up the baby stuff and put the car seat in the car, we were supposed to leave in about 15 minutes and I hadn't even taken a shower. So, I took a super quick shower, got dressed and left with my hair still wet!

I don't remember most of the drive to Memphis. I do remember saying to David, many times, "What are we doing?"

We met our social worker at a Wendy's just off the interstate to sign our adoption papers. It was funny because she was trying to find a quieter place than the hospital to sign the papers. So, she chose Wendy's during the lunch rush. Perfect. It was fine, of course, and makes for a fun story. And it was a very fitting location, as my sister in law pointed out, because Wendy was adopted. : )

This is a very minor detail to note but it meant something to me. As we were sitting at the table at Wendy's I saw a wall of donation cards (you know, when you agree to give an extra dollar and they put your name on a card?) Well, the one that caught my attention and was in my direct line of sight was the name of Evan's birth mom, which is actually kind of a rare name. It just struck me, for some reason, and made me think about the fact that she is a real person. The person we have been praying for, for so long - I know her name now. She is real.

We left Wendy's and headed for the hospital. Our time at the hospital wasn't a super great experience. The environment was very clinical instead of warm and inviting. The staff hardly paid any attention to us and it made me sad to think they may not have given Evan much attention either. But, it is the place we first met this sweet boy.

We waited in a small waiting area, where we could see in the nursery. How weird it was to be standing on the other side of some glass windows from our baby boy and not knowing which baby they would bring out. Eventually, they pushed out one of those baby bed carts and there he was. Except, we didn't know it was him because they didn't say anything to us. David and I just stood there and looked at him, not knowing what to do. Finally we realized it was him and we started admiring him and talking to him. Our social worker told us we could pick him up. Again, it was a really strange environment and we didn't know what was acceptable. The next little bit of time is a blur. I do remember my first impression of him was that he looked very familiar to me and that was surprising. And comforting.

We changed him into his GIGANTOR coming home outfit. My sister in law was there taking pictures. I am so glad she was there because I didn't have to think about pictures at all, and those pictures are very important to me. I am pretty sure, though, that my expression in most of them looks like I was either in shock or about to throw up, which would have been accurate either way.

After a few minutes with baby Evan, our social worker had some news that was both welcome and terrifying. The birth mom, who was still in the hospital, wanted to meet us. She had chosen a completely closed adoption, so she did not see Evan and will not be receiving pictures or updates from us. And, when we learned that she wanted a closed adoption, we were told that we would probably not get to meet her. It is her choice, of course, but that news was really hard to accept.

We have learned so much about how positive it is for an adopted child to have some link to their biological family, even if only in the form of letters. We have learned how important it is for the birth mom's healing process that she have closure and that meeting the adoptive family can provide that for her. You might think it is a relief to think that we would not have to manage a relationship with her, but it felt like a loss. It felt like a chance of a lifetime that had slipped away, with no chance of regaining it. So, when we heard that she was willing to meet us, our anxiousness about that moment was eclipsed by the gratitude of having regained for Evan what we thought was lost. A chance to meet his birth mom meant that we could give him something that he will someday surely need, assurance that his birth mom gave him to us because of the love she has for him, not because of a lack of love. The time we spent with her shed a light on this adoption journey that caused everything to make sense to me.