Evan's Birth mom did not make it to court today to sign the Surrender of Parental Rights because she was sick. She was having some health problems in the hospital and is apparently still struggling. We do believe that this is the reason that she didn't make it to court, but it was still disappointing. Please pray for her and for us.
I wrote about my heart for birth moms last year on October 6th. And, I believe it is God's providence that this year I have another post about birth moms on this date, only this time it is very much our story. What I have written here will make so much more sense if you read last year's post first. That post is called, "What a Mother Does."
On Saturday, we had about ten minutes to meet with Evan's birth mom in the hospital. It was an unexpected meeting and we felt unprepared, but I guess you never really feel prepared for such a meeting. I don't want to refer to her by her real name, so I'll just call her K.
Evan stayed in the nursery, since K has chosen a closed adoption and doesn't want contact with him. We followed our social worker down the hall and into K's hospital room. As I approached K, she sat up in her bed and put out her hand to shake mine. It seemed natural to hug her, so I leaned over to give her a hug. She hugged me back, very tightly. We both began to cry and we both held on tight. I told her that we love her and that we have been praying for her for a long time. David hugged her next and they wept together. David told her, "We will take good care of him."
K didn't do much talking, but as we talked she held her hand over her mouth, nodded her head and shed tears. I told her that our first experience with adoption was with our friend who placed her baby for adoption. I said that we stayed with her during that time, witnessing her courage and love for her son. I told K that we had such admiration for our friend's selflessness and that we feel the same about her. We admire her for her courage and can see her love for this baby boy. Then I said, "This is how he will know you."
Our social worker spent some time caring for K through words of encouragement and comfort. She facilitated some discussion about what K has said about her family, how they are all very funny and that each new kid that came into the family is funnier than the one before. We laughed together about that. We told K about our boys and how silly they are and that there will be lots of laughing in our home, too. We told her that Zach and Sam will teach this little one how to be silly with them and that they are so excited about a little boy coming into our home. We shared a little about their personalities and let her know how much we love having boys.
I'm not sure how the conversation changed course, but it was obvious that it was time to be going. K looked up and said to us, "Take good care of him." We said that we will. She told us, "Congratulations." It was difficult to form a response to that. Her sacrifice was our gift, and we knew it. Then she said, "Thank you." We both immediately responded, "No, thank you."
We hugged her again as our goodbye. There were many more tears. I told her again that we love her and she said that she loves us, too. We told her again that we will take good care of him and that we will be praying for her. Then, we left.
As we walked into the hallway, I immediately broke into sobs. I just didn't want to see her hurting and I didn't want to be the cause of her hurt. She had chosen to meet with us and our social worker said that it is helpful for the healing process of the birth mom to meet the family. But, I was afraid that seeing us would intensify her pain and the possibility of that hurt so much. We walked back down the hallway and went back to the nursery to get Evan and go home.
That night, around 10:40 our social worker texted me saying, "Everything is okay, but if you are up call me. I have something to share with you." We have grown close to our social worker, so it wasn't too weird that she would text at that hour, since she knew we would probably be up with Evan anyway. But, I was still a little edgy wondering what she needed to share. Of course I worried, did K change her mind?
When I talked to our social worker, she said that when she looked at her phone that evening she had four missed calls from K. When she finally got a hold of K, she said that she had been calling just to thank her for everything. K told her that she felt much better about everything, after meeting us. She said of us, "They seem so happy. They seem so nice." Her next statement has been ringing in my ears ever since. She said, "I am so happy about the way everything worked out because now I know he has a family."
Our social worker had told us that K's request was that the baby not be placed in foster care or interim care. Her desire was that he go directly to an adoptive family. She did not ask to see him. She did not ask to give him a name. All she asked was that he be given a family. We know we can tell him, with confidence, that K had a mother's heart for him. We saw it in her eyes that day and her sacrifice speaks for itself.
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