This is the post I promised a few weeks ago, in response to the struggle I was experiencing and wrote about here. Basically, I was feeling overwhelmed by ALL that needed to be done and the fact that I didn't (and never seem) have it in me to do any of it.
Well, I'm sitting here now with basically the same amount of work I had on my plate that day. Isn't that always the way it is? When we can finally check a few things off our list, a few more things are added. Not to mention the fact that those daily grind tasks remain on the lists and simply get done and then undone. A mother's work is never done.
When I wrote the first post, I was in the same situation I am now, but it is affecting me in a completely different way. I believe it is my attitude that has changed, since it is obviously not my "to do" list. I am content with the knowledge that "it" won't get done. I am able to be relaxed in the midst of it. What makes that difference, you ask?
Calibration. My mind, emotions, body and soul are calibrated accurately. Calibrated to what standard? I'll explain.
Luke 11:38-42 recounts the Biblical story of Mary and Martha, when Jesus came to visit their home. The Bible says that Mary "sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving." Martha complained to Jesus that Mary wasn't helping and here is Jesus' reply:
"But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion which will not be taken away from her."
Until I was a mother, I completely missed the part that is now revolutionary to me. The part that stands out to me now is the phrase "which will not be taken away from her." Aaahhh. In a world where everything is taken away from me, just after I complete it (dishes, laundry, diapers, homework, etc), it is refreshing to think of applying myself to something that WILL NOT be taken away. And what Jesus is referring to here is communion with Him.
I was taught the disciplines of Bible study and prayer as a teenager in my church's youth group, but it was motherhood that taught me my need to spend time alone with God, praying, meditating, and studying His Word. It is during this time that, metaphorically speaking, my heads comes above the water for a breath and I gain some perspective. I see that this world (and all that troubles me now) is temporal and I see more clearly the world I am made for, which is eternal. I am encouraged, convicted, comforted, and ready to be thrust back into it.
This is what I mean when I say that I'm "calibrated." In this time of communion with God, my whole self is re-calibrated according to what my Lord see as important. I am able to keep the valuable plates spinning. My expectations are set accordingly. And, when I re-enter my day after this time of adjustment, it lasts.
I know what Jesus was saying when he referred to this "one thing" that is necessary. It is that time of focused attention on Him, lest I go toward my natural inclination, which ME, ME, ME. All that serves ME and makes ME happy and comfortable. Everything and everyone who is irritating ME and letting ME down. In fact, what I really need in the way of "me time" is this re-calibration, which helps me forget about ME.
And, I know what he means when he says "it will not be taken away from her." Because, when I see my laundry basket and the endless tasks on my list after having been calibrated in my time with God, I am okay. I actually (brace yourself for this) enjoy it. What? Did I just say that? Yes! It's similar to the old adage - taking time to smell the roses. Except, it should be "taking time to smell the fabric softener." And, listen now, I love some good smellin' fabric softener. It is my second favorite smell, next to the smell of a car air conditioner when it first comes on. That tidbit was for free, dear readers.
And, so, the real answer to my original post was that I needed to park my little fussy self at the Lord's feet, as Mary did, and let him change me.
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