Serving and Lemonade

*NOTE: Please hang on to the end of this post, there is an invitation for YOU! (And, if you linked through FB, I wasn't trying to trick you - I AM really excited about sharing this with you! Read on, you'll see....)

This post isn't about our adoption at all, but it is about another work God is doing in our family! This summer I have tried to provide some productive structure to our days. Each kid has a chart on a clipboard with various daily activities, including chores, school work practice, Bible time, quiet reading, "funtivity", etc. I feel like Michelle Dugger. Except that we never really pull it off. Most days, my kids watch too much tv, we go swim, and maybe conquer one or two of the things on the chart. I find that chores, school work practice and quiet reading go out the window, but we MAKE SURE we accomplish our daily funtivity. In mean, it IS summer!! And, I have found that I am always super excited about Bible time. Here's why...

Each day we do something different for Bible time - scripture memory, prayer with Mommy (each kid has his own turn to tell me how I can be praying for him), Bible study with Daddy (similar concept, except with David), writing letters to our Compassion International friends, and (my favorite for the summer) serving others. It has become really important to me that our kids equate Bible time with more than learning Bible stories or even memorizing scripture. I want them to understand that it takes doing to understand and learn what the Bible really means. Not "doing" in the sense of becoming good little boys in order to please God, but "doing" in the sense of experiencing what the Bible teaches, particularly about loving and serving others. In order for them to serve others, they have to become self forgetful and are able, then, to become more mindful of God and how He loves people.

So, each week we go through this process. First we ask, "Who do we know who needs to be served?" Jesus washed the disciples' feet and told his followers to "go and do likewise." He didn't mean, necessarily, to go and wash more feet. He washed the disciples feet because, in that time and culture, it was a job that needed to be done and that job was done by a servant. Jesus became a servant to those he loved. So, when we "do likewise," we first need to figure out what people need. Then, we try to think of ways we are able to serve them. It has really been a lot of fun!

I am SUPER DUPER excited about our latest project!! We are joining the effort of Joshua Guthrie in raising money and awareness for his organization Dollar for a Drink. Joshua is a teenager from our area who decided to do something about the global water crisis and started with this simple concept. You MUST go to the Dollar for a Drink website and see all the wonderful things God has done in the short time DFaD has existed!

Anyway, it all started when the boys and I were watching Joshua's latest promotional video and the boys really understood the need for water that is so widespread around the globe. And, they could easily understand how we could serve those people, by giving money and spreading the word. We started thinking about ideas to generate as much money as we could, and God gave us the perfect idea - open a weekly lemonade stand, selling cups of lemonade for $1 and telling our customers about Dollar for a Drink! We are going to have our lemonade stand open most Saturday mornings (weather and schedule permitting) in our front yard. People always descend upon our area for yard sales this time of year and we are hoping that will bring us plenty of customers. We have invited other families in the neighborhood to join us by bringing some of the supplies that we'll need each week and working the stand.

It's a win, win, win! Kids LOVE to do lemonade stands and they learn how they can make a difference in this world. Money and awareness will be raised for DFaD. AND we are hoping this will serve Joshua by blessing him and encouraging him to keep it up! (I have known Joshua since he was in preschool, so it is especially fun to join his effort!)

AREN'T YOU SO EXCITED!?!? You should be, because you could do it, too! You could set up a lemonade stand in your front yard, as a one time gig or as an ongoing project. You can easily donate the money you raise by using the donate feature on the DFaD website, so it doesn't matter what part of the country you are in. DO IT!! DO IT!! You know you want to! : )

I will post pics of our first ever "Lemonade supporting Dollar for a Drink" tomorrow!! If you are in Jackson, come by and get a cup of lemonade! (We will be in our front yard from 9-11 am).

This is the Way, Walk in It

I am up waaay too late, but I have to unload all that God is speaking to me now at 2:30 in the morning. In one week's time, my life circumstances have been turned upside down somewhat. I have felt God telling me to quit my part time job at the kids' school and stay home full time because I need to be more available at home. I threw a pretty big fit about it because it wasn't really a choice I would have made for myself. It was a job I loved, in a place I loved, working with people I love to work with. But God softened my hard heart and has made me content to do what His will is for me. God is good and His plans for us are good. I trust that.

So, one of the first things people say to me when they find out that I had to lay down my beloved job is that maybe God is freeing me up because our baby is on its way. That would be convenient, huh! But, in the same week we found out a few things regarding the adoption.

1. There has been a decrease in birth moms who are coming to the agency to make an adoption plan. For whatever reason.
2. There are now an unprecedented number of families who are available to adopt a child of any race. If the birth mom has no preference, they go with the longest waiting families and we are second on that list. If she wants to choose the family for her baby, however, she has plenty of families to choose from. Now we have some competition. Ha ha!

This is a GOOD development, that there are so many families, and we praise God for it! But, I have been tempted to feel confused. One reason we felt compelled to pursue domestic adoption was because of the need for people willing to adopt transracially. But, that was only one of the reasons. The other reason is that God has spoken clearly to us - "I am growing your family and your next child will come through adoption."

God spoke to us! That is a huge claim to make - that the Creator of the universe, God, spoke to us. Me and David. Christians need to realize what an outrageous thing this is to say. I could elaborate, but I'll just linky-loo you to a sermon our pastor preached recently on this truth, when it becomes available on our website. Stay tuned for that one.

This has been a recurring theme in things I read and hear - that God speaks to us. Some people ask how we know that God has "called us" to adopt, meaning how did we conclude that God was telling us to do this? Seems kind of obscure - I understand that. One way I experience the leading of God is when I hear certain truths repeated every time I turn around, it seems. That certainly happened in our call to adopt and it is happening again, now, with this revelation that God is speaking to us through our adoption journey.

The last time this theme came to me was the morning of April 16th. Anyone remember the events of morning? We were preparing to go pick up baby girl. I had not been very emotional about the whole thing (surprising) until I was running on the treadmill that morning (even MORE surprising) and I become overwhelmed by the knowledge that this adoption was completely born in our hearts because GOD SPOKE TO US!

When biological children come along, there are things that automatically motivate you to conceive a child. Maybe it's a desire for a baby or to be pregnant, other people starting their families, pressure to start a family perhaps, a longing to pour yourself out for the sake of another, cute baby clothes, whatever. (Not an exhaustive list, mind you.) Then, sometimes there are other "automatic motivators" - I'll just leave it at that. But, our experience with adoption has been that our desire and resolve to adopt originated solely by God speaking in our lives - "Do this." That's the beautiful realization that absolutely overwhelmed me on the treadmill that day. When I see this baby's face, I will have the knowledge that God did this, it was not of ourselves. Of course, it was God's work that brought our sons to us through biological means, but just as that experience was unique and special in its own way, so is this.

God spoke to us again today, but in a way I never expected. We got information about a baby to be born in July in a far away state, and the question on the table was - "Would we want to let the birth mom there know that we are interested in potentially adopting this child?" We received very detailed information. And we really both sensed, strongly, that we were not the family to adopt this child. So, we said no.

No matter what adoption process you are in, there are times that you have to declare what type situations you are willing to take on - whether in your paperwork or when you get a call about a baby. I have always wondered how we would know if we needed to say "no" because we are SOOO inclined to say "YES." How do you say "no" without feeling guilty or unsure? Well, God spoke and the answer was obvious. We felt a complete confidence and peace about it.

I won't go into details for now, but God is speaking to me again tonight - in the middle of the night. (I won't complain, since it is God, but I really hope David lets me sleep in tomorrow morning. He should, right? I mean - God spoke for cryin' out loud!) This is what I am hearing - I just know that our baby (or babies - we are open to two, in case you didn't know) is real and that when this all unfolds it is going to blow my head off, in terms of who God is and how He can work all things together. Not because I am confident that it will all go my way, but that God is truly amazing and much bigger than I am.

The scripture that has been ever present on my mind tonight is Isaiah 30. It's long, but the whole chapter is a beautiful, complete story of God's sovereignty and grace and begs to be read in its entirety. Even still, I am including some highlights that are particularly descriptive of God's steadfast love for me (us), despite my wavering and fit-throwing heart. It also describes the way God speaks to his children - tenderly, specifically, effectively, and how he redeems them when their hard hearts don't listen. Lastly, it testifies to the power that is overwhelming when God speaks.

Do Not Go Down to Egypt
“Ah, stubborn children,” declares the LORD,
“who carry out a plan, but not mine,
and who make an alliance, but not of my Spirit,
that they may add sin to sin;
who set out to go down to Egypt,
without asking for my direction,

And now, go, write it before them on a tablet
and inscribe it in a book,
that it may be for the time to come as a witness forever.
For they are a rebellious people,
lying children, children unwilling to hear
the instruction of the LORD;
who say to the seers, “Do not see,”
and to the prophets, “Do not prophesy to us what is right;
speak to us smooth things,
prophesy illusions, leave the way, turn aside from the path,
let us hear no more about the Holy One of Israel.”

For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel,
“In returning and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”
But you were unwilling,

Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
For the LORD is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for him.

He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry.
As soon as he hears it, he answers you.
And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction,
yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher.
And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,
“This is the way, walk in it,”
when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.
Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver
and your gold-plated metal images.
You will scatter them as unclean things.
You will say to them, “Be gone!”

Suspended

I have recently observed in myself that I either think obsessively about the adoption or don't think about it at all. Sometimes it's just too difficult to anticipate every time the phone rings (literally, every time) that it might be the adoption agency calling, so I just block it out. The trick with this adoption thing is to learn to be comfortable being suspended in mid air, so to speak.

So, lately I have been going into the baby's room, sitting in the rocking chair and praying for the baby, the birth mom, and the adoption process. It helps me remember that this process is real. This baby is real. I walk over to the dresser where we have a boy and a girl coming home outfit and wonder who we will bring home. Then, I leave the room.

I only stay a few minutes. It's just a quick little way of connecting to this unknown child. And, it is sort of my little way of submitting to God in this waiting season. It's nothing profound, really, but it helps.

But for now I rest in this in between
In the heavy clouds of this waiting season
Sandra McCracken, "Hidden Place"

Adoption Tax Credit in Jeopardy

Would you consider adopting a child if you learned that your adoption would cost $11,000-$35,000 UP FRONT, out of pocket? Would you consider adopting a child if you learned that $13,170 of that money would be returned to you the next tax year? Or, what if you learned that you could be given a large chunk of the money you would need for your adoption because of money that had been donated from funds that came from the adoption tax credit?

If you have been following our adoption story you know that we have a goal of raising $13,170 because we are expecting to get a tax credit in that amount next year. We will be donating whatever amount of that $13,170 that was given to our adoption to our church adoption fund, in hopes that more families can use it for their adoption. There are organizations, like LifeSong for Orphans (look under interest free loans), churches, and other individuals who are using the tax credit in this way. Can you imagine the revolutionary effect this tax credit could have over time, in terms of all the children who would be adopted into forever families?

But, here's the downer - the adoption tax credit that was extended to the end of this year is in jeopardy of expiring this year. There is a bill proposed in Congress called H.R. 184 that will continue the tax credit, with even greater benefits to the adoptive family. As it stands now, an adoptive family must have the adoption FINALIZED by the end of that tax year in order to claim the adoption expenses for the next tax year. Here's what that looks like in our situation:

When a child comes home with us that is called"placement." We will have a child with us for six months before we can legally adopt him or her by going to court. The day we go to court to make the adoption legal is called "finalization." So, we must have placement by June in order to finalize by the end of this tax year. Time's a tickin', people!

Now, we want to bring a baby home ASAP because it is our heart's desire to have our next child home with us. The tax credit is not what drives our desire to get "that call" sooner than later. But, because we care about adoption in a broader sense, we REALLY want to see the money we've raise be recycled through our church's adoption fund. If we don't have placement by June or if Congress doesn't pass a new law extending the adoption tax credit, the $8800 we have raised for our adoption thus far will not be able to be reused. It just seems like a waste.

We are so grateful to be given that amount of money, of course, so it's not a waste to us. What I mean is this - it seems like a waste to think of the potential impact that $8800 could have over time and several adoptions later and then to think of it being lost. It's really one of the smartest things the government could do if they want to offer pro-life options for women in crisis pregnancy situations and help the adoption crisis world wide.

So, here's what you can do. There's this AWESOME new website that makes it easy to make your opinion known to your senators and representatives. It's called POPVOX. You can link directly to the page about H.R. 184 HERE. You simply set up an account and press a button showing that you support the bill. You can also make a comment if you so choose.

Right now, POPVOX is showing that there are not yet enough individuals who have commented on the bill to show the results on the chart. And, it reminds the readers that most bills that come to Congress die in committee. That's where H.R. 184 is right now - sitting in committee. Please, please take a few minutes to make your vote FOR this bill.

In November, there were nearly 1,000 people who helped us raise money for our adoption by going to a website called SixSeeds and leaving a comment. Many of you did that and spread the word for us. If we have a similar response to this, I would imagine that would speak loudly to our Congressmen and hopefully encourage the passing of this bill into law. Thank you, as always, for doing your part to support adoption!!

Dear Family and Friends

As some of you know, we are in the process of adopting a baby. We have recently been approved and are now waiting to receive a call that a baby is available to be adopted. Some people have asked why we are doing this, especially since we have two children already. We know that adoption is close to the heart of God and that so many children need a forever family. And, simply put, we believe this is God’s plan for bringing our next child into our family. We are all very excited to welcome this child home! You can read more about our adoption story in earlier posts of this blog.

One reason we are sending this letter is simply to let you know about our adoption. It is encouraging to see that for every family who adopts, more families are encouraged to adopt or to support adoption in some way. We hope that sharing our story will have the same effect! Also, we ask that you please be praying for the estimated 147 millions orphans worldwide.

Another reason we are sending this letter is to let you know about a way you can support adoption. We are raising money to pay for our adoption costs and we have a plan to “recycle” that money for future adoptions. Our adoption costs approximately $15,000. We have paid almost one third of that cost during the approval process, and the rest will be due the day we bring our baby home.

Last year, the federal government approved an adoption tax credit of just over $13,000. This is a great policy that encourages adoption, and we are excited about the possibility of seeing this money multiplied. When we receive our tax credit next year, we will be donating the money that was given for our adoption to our church’s adoption fund. We have already raised $7600 through various fundraising projects, and we are hoping to raise $5400 more, so that our entire tax credit will be given to our church. We are members of City Fellowship Baptist Church in Jackson, TN, and there are several families in our church family who would like to adopt. Here is a link to our church’s adoption web page: www.cityfellowship.net/adoption.

We certainly don’t want you to feel obligated to give financially, but if it is something you would like to do, you can make a donation through PayPal using the button on the side bar.

Or, you can make a tax deductible donation by sending a check directly to our church: City Fellowship Baptist Church, 455 East Main, Jackson, TN 38301. Please make the check out to City Fellowship Baptist Church and write "Roberts Adoption" in the memo line.

Thank you for taking the time to read about our journey. Maybe we will have some exciting news soon!

May God Bless You,

David, Angie, Zach, and Sam

April 16th

I read the devotional book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young as part of my daily Bible reading and quiet time. It is written from the perspective of Jesus speaking to us today, in plain language. The author expresses her intent to provide encouragement that is consistent with scripture, but is careful to emphasize the fact that these are her words. Only scripture is the revealed word of God. However, I think God has inspired her words and I highly recommend it!

Yesterday morning, when I read the April 16th devotional, I thought, "This is sweet, but not really where I am at today." (This was still when we were planning to leave the hospital with a baby.) I was actually surprised, since the readings are usually SO relevant to my day's circumstances and I figured that God would definitely reveal something profound since it was such a big day in our lives and all! (Very presumptuous of me, I admit - just being honest ; ) Anyway, a couple of my friends who also read Jesus Calling asked me last night if I had read that day's entry, since it was so fitting to our experience that day. So, I went back and read it again, this time hearing God's voice tenderly speaking to me. Here's an excerpt:

I am calling you to a life of thankfulness. I want all your moments to be punctuated with thanksgiving. The basis for your gratitude is My sovereignty. I am the Creator and Controller of the universe....When you criticize or complain, you are acting as if you think YOU could run the world better than I do. From your limited human perspective, it may look as if I'm mismanaging things. But you don't know what I know or see what I see. If I pulled back the curtain to allow you to view heavenly realms, you would understand much more. However, I have designed you to LIVE BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT.

See what I mean about it being so spot on!?! I have to admit that one of my first thoughts was, "How perfect that there's a reference to the theme of my blog - live by faith, not by sight." Love that - ha ha!

But, what the rest of the reading said was so very encouraging. It was basically a written summary of our day. The Lord had given us the faith to walk through the entire ordeal with the awareness of His sovereignty. He had spared us the pain of having bitter and complaining hearts. I considered that a gift. Some people have commented that they admire my faith in all of this. Well, if you know me AT ALL you know that I am not naturally one who takes things as they come in an even tempered way. I love to be in control and am easily given to fear when I sense that I am not in control. But not this time. All I can say is that God has given me faith, specifically relating to the unpredictable nature of this whole adoption process.

God has granted faith. I have simply obeyed. And that may seem like a big deal - obeying God's call - but really it's not. Not when you see God for who He is. As the Jesus Calling reading said, "The basis for your gratitude is My sovereignty." I think the word obedience could easily be substituted for gratitude - it's really one and the same. When we recognize God as Creator we realize that He has the right to call the shots. So, we can be grateful in all circumstances. He is God, I am not.

Here's my definition of God's sovereignty: God alone has complete wisdom and power. Being free from sin, He alone can see clearly. Therefore, it is He alone who has the right to determine the course of all things. There is much debate on the extent and limitations of His control in our lives. I can't settle that debate here and that is not my goal. I'll just say that it is my belief that He is in complete control of all things. And, that may sound to some people like a death sentence. Like we lose our lives and have to surrender our freedom of choice. Yup. That's exactly right. It is a death to MY desires, MY plans, MY agenda, and MY way.

From the outside looking in, yielding to God's sovereignty sounds restrictive. But that death is freeing. Here's a line from a Sara Groves song that speaks to this, "Less like a casket, more like a womb." That was my experience yesterday. I certainly made the desires of my soul known to the Lord when I prayed yesterday. But I couldn't bring myself to beg Him to allow us to bring that baby girl home. Not because I was afraid of some overbearing God looking down at me from heaven...but because I was fully aware that I didn't know what was best. That's what it is like to live yielded to the sovereignty of God - it is a sense of comfort and security. There is certainly restriction, in the sense that I realize that I am limited and God is not. In that way, it seems right to yield to God. That's why it feels "more like a womb." Living on the inside of that "womb" of God's sovereignty, I am safe, secure, and content.

I have been a believer and follower of Jesus since I was twelve years old. But, it wasn't really until I was in my late 20's that I really began to understand and know God as sovereign. My life has been remade by this truth.

I thanked God this morning that we did not bring that baby girl home. Not merely because I know He will lead us to our child. And not because I am "looking on the bright side" or trying to eek out some silver lining that makes the hurt worth it because something good might come out of it. It is simply because I know the character of God. He is in control. He is limitless in His knowledge and understanding. He is good, and He alone knows what is good for me.

Psalm 84:11, "For the LORD is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly."

Whatever it Takes

If you are a parent, you know that you will do whatever it takes for your child. We are the parents of two boys who we have biologically, and we know this to our core. And, I have been able to "weather" all the ups and downs, and all that adoption has required of us, because we've assumed that it will be the same with our next child.

But it is still an uphill walk of faith, this adoption journey. SO much more has been required of me with this experience than with my pregnancies, as I anticipated the arrival of our boys. I realize that isn't always the case. Some pregnancies require a lot. For example, one of my closest friends had to be on bed rest for the majority of her pregnancy, spent much grueling time in the hospital before the delivery, and had to fight the emotional battle of a very high risk pregnancy that wasn't going well. But, her mother's heart told her that this was her child and that she would do anything for him.

To this point, there have been many times that our faith in our adoption call has been challenged and we have been asking ourselves, are we sure about this? We have had to believe in those moments that when we reach the other side and hold our next child in our arms we will know in reality what we only know by faith now - that we would do anything for this child. This faceless child who we love so much. So, will we drain our savings account to pay for this adoption? Yes. Will we work our tails off to fundraise as much money as possible? Yes. Will we expose ourselves to all the unknowns of domestic adoption? Yes. Will we live in limbo for an undetermined amount of time? Yes. Will we risk being hurt? Yes.

There is proof in the pudding. (What does that expression even mean???) Anyway, a lot has been required of us as we have pursued our next child through adoption, and this weekend is no exception. We got a call last night that a baby girl had been born in a neighboring state and that we would be able to come get her if all went as planned. Here's the catch - because of some interstate adoption policies, we would have to STAY in that state for an undetermined amount of time because she could not cross the state line until some paperwork was approved. And, we would really be serving as what is called an interim care family (like foster care) until the mother signed her surrender of rights on Monday. And, we really knew nothing about the baby's health. The mother was only fifteen and had very minimal prenatal care.

Our social worker said, "You can be the family to take her home from the hospital if you are willing to consider this situation." Um, yes, we will consider this situation. Our hearts were ready to run to this baby that moment. The birth mother had chosen a closed adoption situation and no contact with the baby, so (for all we knew) this baby was in a hospital nursery being cared for but not being snuggled and adored with the love a parent has. As far as we knew, she had no name. She had no name. Would we put our life on hold and live in a hotel in another state for days or weeks to care for her while the details got smoothed out? Yes! Would we scurry around like chickens with our heads cut off to get together some girl things to take with us, knowing that we might not get to bring her home? Yes! Would we take the risk that she might have a terrible health situation and that our insurance costs would skyrocket in order to cover her? Yes! Would we be willing to have our hearts ripped out if the mother changed her mind after we had held her in our arms? Yes!

So, we were packed and ready to go this morning when our social worker called and told us that we were on hold because the "granny" had stepped up and said she would take the baby. We would have to wait until the birth mom made a final decision and we were told that we would hear from our social worker again in a few hours. You know the saying, "Times flies when you're having fun?" Well, we were NOT having fun. So time crept.

We were not angry with Granny or the birth mom for upsetting our plans or causing us hurt - this is their baby after all. We are determined that until the birth mom signs the surrender of rights, in any given situation, that we will remember - this is not our child. This is not about us.

And, we found out a few hours later that this is not our child. Granny and the birth mom's mom will be caring for the baby. That baby went home with them today, I presume. I am sure that she now has a name and I hope she is being snuggled and adored at this very moment. If you are so inclined, please pray for this family. God thrust us into this situation for some reason - it is not a waste because our God does not work that way. Maybe He simply wanted us and all those who are walking this adoption journey with us to cover this family in prayer. Maybe no one else prays for them.

Our suitcase is on the edge of our bed, still packed and ready to go. There is an infant car seat still sitting by the door beside a bag stocked with baby girl clothes that our sweet friend prepared for us in a moment's notice. Formula, bottles, and all things baby are still sitting in the nursery, ready to be loaded in the van. It is an empty feeling for sure.

But, we will do anything for the baby God has planned for our family. Including, throwing ourselves whole heartedly into a situation like this, even though it ended up to be a false alarm. The human part of me says that this will never really happen. That we will never really get a call that will result in an adoption. I want to quit and spare myself the pain and trouble. But, God has created in me a mama's heart for this child specifically. And that part of me can't quit. Our baby needs me not to quit. We will do whatever it takes for this child driven by that which, for now, we only know by faith.