This is the Way, Walk in It

I am up waaay too late, but I have to unload all that God is speaking to me now at 2:30 in the morning. In one week's time, my life circumstances have been turned upside down somewhat. I have felt God telling me to quit my part time job at the kids' school and stay home full time because I need to be more available at home. I threw a pretty big fit about it because it wasn't really a choice I would have made for myself. It was a job I loved, in a place I loved, working with people I love to work with. But God softened my hard heart and has made me content to do what His will is for me. God is good and His plans for us are good. I trust that.

So, one of the first things people say to me when they find out that I had to lay down my beloved job is that maybe God is freeing me up because our baby is on its way. That would be convenient, huh! But, in the same week we found out a few things regarding the adoption.

1. There has been a decrease in birth moms who are coming to the agency to make an adoption plan. For whatever reason.
2. There are now an unprecedented number of families who are available to adopt a child of any race. If the birth mom has no preference, they go with the longest waiting families and we are second on that list. If she wants to choose the family for her baby, however, she has plenty of families to choose from. Now we have some competition. Ha ha!

This is a GOOD development, that there are so many families, and we praise God for it! But, I have been tempted to feel confused. One reason we felt compelled to pursue domestic adoption was because of the need for people willing to adopt transracially. But, that was only one of the reasons. The other reason is that God has spoken clearly to us - "I am growing your family and your next child will come through adoption."

God spoke to us! That is a huge claim to make - that the Creator of the universe, God, spoke to us. Me and David. Christians need to realize what an outrageous thing this is to say. I could elaborate, but I'll just linky-loo you to a sermon our pastor preached recently on this truth, when it becomes available on our website. Stay tuned for that one.

This has been a recurring theme in things I read and hear - that God speaks to us. Some people ask how we know that God has "called us" to adopt, meaning how did we conclude that God was telling us to do this? Seems kind of obscure - I understand that. One way I experience the leading of God is when I hear certain truths repeated every time I turn around, it seems. That certainly happened in our call to adopt and it is happening again, now, with this revelation that God is speaking to us through our adoption journey.

The last time this theme came to me was the morning of April 16th. Anyone remember the events of morning? We were preparing to go pick up baby girl. I had not been very emotional about the whole thing (surprising) until I was running on the treadmill that morning (even MORE surprising) and I become overwhelmed by the knowledge that this adoption was completely born in our hearts because GOD SPOKE TO US!

When biological children come along, there are things that automatically motivate you to conceive a child. Maybe it's a desire for a baby or to be pregnant, other people starting their families, pressure to start a family perhaps, a longing to pour yourself out for the sake of another, cute baby clothes, whatever. (Not an exhaustive list, mind you.) Then, sometimes there are other "automatic motivators" - I'll just leave it at that. But, our experience with adoption has been that our desire and resolve to adopt originated solely by God speaking in our lives - "Do this." That's the beautiful realization that absolutely overwhelmed me on the treadmill that day. When I see this baby's face, I will have the knowledge that God did this, it was not of ourselves. Of course, it was God's work that brought our sons to us through biological means, but just as that experience was unique and special in its own way, so is this.

God spoke to us again today, but in a way I never expected. We got information about a baby to be born in July in a far away state, and the question on the table was - "Would we want to let the birth mom there know that we are interested in potentially adopting this child?" We received very detailed information. And we really both sensed, strongly, that we were not the family to adopt this child. So, we said no.

No matter what adoption process you are in, there are times that you have to declare what type situations you are willing to take on - whether in your paperwork or when you get a call about a baby. I have always wondered how we would know if we needed to say "no" because we are SOOO inclined to say "YES." How do you say "no" without feeling guilty or unsure? Well, God spoke and the answer was obvious. We felt a complete confidence and peace about it.

I won't go into details for now, but God is speaking to me again tonight - in the middle of the night. (I won't complain, since it is God, but I really hope David lets me sleep in tomorrow morning. He should, right? I mean - God spoke for cryin' out loud!) This is what I am hearing - I just know that our baby (or babies - we are open to two, in case you didn't know) is real and that when this all unfolds it is going to blow my head off, in terms of who God is and how He can work all things together. Not because I am confident that it will all go my way, but that God is truly amazing and much bigger than I am.

The scripture that has been ever present on my mind tonight is Isaiah 30. It's long, but the whole chapter is a beautiful, complete story of God's sovereignty and grace and begs to be read in its entirety. Even still, I am including some highlights that are particularly descriptive of God's steadfast love for me (us), despite my wavering and fit-throwing heart. It also describes the way God speaks to his children - tenderly, specifically, effectively, and how he redeems them when their hard hearts don't listen. Lastly, it testifies to the power that is overwhelming when God speaks.

Do Not Go Down to Egypt
“Ah, stubborn children,” declares the LORD,
“who carry out a plan, but not mine,
and who make an alliance, but not of my Spirit,
that they may add sin to sin;
who set out to go down to Egypt,
without asking for my direction,

And now, go, write it before them on a tablet
and inscribe it in a book,
that it may be for the time to come as a witness forever.
For they are a rebellious people,
lying children, children unwilling to hear
the instruction of the LORD;
who say to the seers, “Do not see,”
and to the prophets, “Do not prophesy to us what is right;
speak to us smooth things,
prophesy illusions, leave the way, turn aside from the path,
let us hear no more about the Holy One of Israel.”

For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel,
“In returning and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”
But you were unwilling,

Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
For the LORD is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for him.

He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry.
As soon as he hears it, he answers you.
And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction,
yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher.
And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,
“This is the way, walk in it,”
when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.
Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver
and your gold-plated metal images.
You will scatter them as unclean things.
You will say to them, “Be gone!”