Whatever it Takes

If you are a parent, you know that you will do whatever it takes for your child. We are the parents of two boys who we have biologically, and we know this to our core. And, I have been able to "weather" all the ups and downs, and all that adoption has required of us, because we've assumed that it will be the same with our next child.

But it is still an uphill walk of faith, this adoption journey. SO much more has been required of me with this experience than with my pregnancies, as I anticipated the arrival of our boys. I realize that isn't always the case. Some pregnancies require a lot. For example, one of my closest friends had to be on bed rest for the majority of her pregnancy, spent much grueling time in the hospital before the delivery, and had to fight the emotional battle of a very high risk pregnancy that wasn't going well. But, her mother's heart told her that this was her child and that she would do anything for him.

To this point, there have been many times that our faith in our adoption call has been challenged and we have been asking ourselves, are we sure about this? We have had to believe in those moments that when we reach the other side and hold our next child in our arms we will know in reality what we only know by faith now - that we would do anything for this child. This faceless child who we love so much. So, will we drain our savings account to pay for this adoption? Yes. Will we work our tails off to fundraise as much money as possible? Yes. Will we expose ourselves to all the unknowns of domestic adoption? Yes. Will we live in limbo for an undetermined amount of time? Yes. Will we risk being hurt? Yes.

There is proof in the pudding. (What does that expression even mean???) Anyway, a lot has been required of us as we have pursued our next child through adoption, and this weekend is no exception. We got a call last night that a baby girl had been born in a neighboring state and that we would be able to come get her if all went as planned. Here's the catch - because of some interstate adoption policies, we would have to STAY in that state for an undetermined amount of time because she could not cross the state line until some paperwork was approved. And, we would really be serving as what is called an interim care family (like foster care) until the mother signed her surrender of rights on Monday. And, we really knew nothing about the baby's health. The mother was only fifteen and had very minimal prenatal care.

Our social worker said, "You can be the family to take her home from the hospital if you are willing to consider this situation." Um, yes, we will consider this situation. Our hearts were ready to run to this baby that moment. The birth mother had chosen a closed adoption situation and no contact with the baby, so (for all we knew) this baby was in a hospital nursery being cared for but not being snuggled and adored with the love a parent has. As far as we knew, she had no name. She had no name. Would we put our life on hold and live in a hotel in another state for days or weeks to care for her while the details got smoothed out? Yes! Would we scurry around like chickens with our heads cut off to get together some girl things to take with us, knowing that we might not get to bring her home? Yes! Would we take the risk that she might have a terrible health situation and that our insurance costs would skyrocket in order to cover her? Yes! Would we be willing to have our hearts ripped out if the mother changed her mind after we had held her in our arms? Yes!

So, we were packed and ready to go this morning when our social worker called and told us that we were on hold because the "granny" had stepped up and said she would take the baby. We would have to wait until the birth mom made a final decision and we were told that we would hear from our social worker again in a few hours. You know the saying, "Times flies when you're having fun?" Well, we were NOT having fun. So time crept.

We were not angry with Granny or the birth mom for upsetting our plans or causing us hurt - this is their baby after all. We are determined that until the birth mom signs the surrender of rights, in any given situation, that we will remember - this is not our child. This is not about us.

And, we found out a few hours later that this is not our child. Granny and the birth mom's mom will be caring for the baby. That baby went home with them today, I presume. I am sure that she now has a name and I hope she is being snuggled and adored at this very moment. If you are so inclined, please pray for this family. God thrust us into this situation for some reason - it is not a waste because our God does not work that way. Maybe He simply wanted us and all those who are walking this adoption journey with us to cover this family in prayer. Maybe no one else prays for them.

Our suitcase is on the edge of our bed, still packed and ready to go. There is an infant car seat still sitting by the door beside a bag stocked with baby girl clothes that our sweet friend prepared for us in a moment's notice. Formula, bottles, and all things baby are still sitting in the nursery, ready to be loaded in the van. It is an empty feeling for sure.

But, we will do anything for the baby God has planned for our family. Including, throwing ourselves whole heartedly into a situation like this, even though it ended up to be a false alarm. The human part of me says that this will never really happen. That we will never really get a call that will result in an adoption. I want to quit and spare myself the pain and trouble. But, God has created in me a mama's heart for this child specifically. And that part of me can't quit. Our baby needs me not to quit. We will do whatever it takes for this child driven by that which, for now, we only know by faith.