Dear Family and Friends

As some of you know, we are in the process of adopting a baby. We have recently been approved and are now waiting to receive a call that a baby is available to be adopted. Some people have asked why we are doing this, especially since we have two children already. We know that adoption is close to the heart of God and that so many children need a forever family. And, simply put, we believe this is God’s plan for bringing our next child into our family. We are all very excited to welcome this child home! You can read more about our adoption story in earlier posts of this blog.

One reason we are sending this letter is simply to let you know about our adoption. It is encouraging to see that for every family who adopts, more families are encouraged to adopt or to support adoption in some way. We hope that sharing our story will have the same effect! Also, we ask that you please be praying for the estimated 147 millions orphans worldwide.

Another reason we are sending this letter is to let you know about a way you can support adoption. We are raising money to pay for our adoption costs and we have a plan to “recycle” that money for future adoptions. Our adoption costs approximately $15,000. We have paid almost one third of that cost during the approval process, and the rest will be due the day we bring our baby home.

Last year, the federal government approved an adoption tax credit of just over $13,000. This is a great policy that encourages adoption, and we are excited about the possibility of seeing this money multiplied. When we receive our tax credit next year, we will be donating the money that was given for our adoption to our church’s adoption fund. We have already raised $7600 through various fundraising projects, and we are hoping to raise $5400 more, so that our entire tax credit will be given to our church. We are members of City Fellowship Baptist Church in Jackson, TN, and there are several families in our church family who would like to adopt. Here is a link to our church’s adoption web page: www.cityfellowship.net/adoption.

We certainly don’t want you to feel obligated to give financially, but if it is something you would like to do, you can make a donation through PayPal using the button on the side bar.

Or, you can make a tax deductible donation by sending a check directly to our church: City Fellowship Baptist Church, 455 East Main, Jackson, TN 38301. Please make the check out to City Fellowship Baptist Church and write "Roberts Adoption" in the memo line.

Thank you for taking the time to read about our journey. Maybe we will have some exciting news soon!

May God Bless You,

David, Angie, Zach, and Sam

April 16th

I read the devotional book Jesus Calling by Sarah Young as part of my daily Bible reading and quiet time. It is written from the perspective of Jesus speaking to us today, in plain language. The author expresses her intent to provide encouragement that is consistent with scripture, but is careful to emphasize the fact that these are her words. Only scripture is the revealed word of God. However, I think God has inspired her words and I highly recommend it!

Yesterday morning, when I read the April 16th devotional, I thought, "This is sweet, but not really where I am at today." (This was still when we were planning to leave the hospital with a baby.) I was actually surprised, since the readings are usually SO relevant to my day's circumstances and I figured that God would definitely reveal something profound since it was such a big day in our lives and all! (Very presumptuous of me, I admit - just being honest ; ) Anyway, a couple of my friends who also read Jesus Calling asked me last night if I had read that day's entry, since it was so fitting to our experience that day. So, I went back and read it again, this time hearing God's voice tenderly speaking to me. Here's an excerpt:

I am calling you to a life of thankfulness. I want all your moments to be punctuated with thanksgiving. The basis for your gratitude is My sovereignty. I am the Creator and Controller of the universe....When you criticize or complain, you are acting as if you think YOU could run the world better than I do. From your limited human perspective, it may look as if I'm mismanaging things. But you don't know what I know or see what I see. If I pulled back the curtain to allow you to view heavenly realms, you would understand much more. However, I have designed you to LIVE BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT.

See what I mean about it being so spot on!?! I have to admit that one of my first thoughts was, "How perfect that there's a reference to the theme of my blog - live by faith, not by sight." Love that - ha ha!

But, what the rest of the reading said was so very encouraging. It was basically a written summary of our day. The Lord had given us the faith to walk through the entire ordeal with the awareness of His sovereignty. He had spared us the pain of having bitter and complaining hearts. I considered that a gift. Some people have commented that they admire my faith in all of this. Well, if you know me AT ALL you know that I am not naturally one who takes things as they come in an even tempered way. I love to be in control and am easily given to fear when I sense that I am not in control. But not this time. All I can say is that God has given me faith, specifically relating to the unpredictable nature of this whole adoption process.

God has granted faith. I have simply obeyed. And that may seem like a big deal - obeying God's call - but really it's not. Not when you see God for who He is. As the Jesus Calling reading said, "The basis for your gratitude is My sovereignty." I think the word obedience could easily be substituted for gratitude - it's really one and the same. When we recognize God as Creator we realize that He has the right to call the shots. So, we can be grateful in all circumstances. He is God, I am not.

Here's my definition of God's sovereignty: God alone has complete wisdom and power. Being free from sin, He alone can see clearly. Therefore, it is He alone who has the right to determine the course of all things. There is much debate on the extent and limitations of His control in our lives. I can't settle that debate here and that is not my goal. I'll just say that it is my belief that He is in complete control of all things. And, that may sound to some people like a death sentence. Like we lose our lives and have to surrender our freedom of choice. Yup. That's exactly right. It is a death to MY desires, MY plans, MY agenda, and MY way.

From the outside looking in, yielding to God's sovereignty sounds restrictive. But that death is freeing. Here's a line from a Sara Groves song that speaks to this, "Less like a casket, more like a womb." That was my experience yesterday. I certainly made the desires of my soul known to the Lord when I prayed yesterday. But I couldn't bring myself to beg Him to allow us to bring that baby girl home. Not because I was afraid of some overbearing God looking down at me from heaven...but because I was fully aware that I didn't know what was best. That's what it is like to live yielded to the sovereignty of God - it is a sense of comfort and security. There is certainly restriction, in the sense that I realize that I am limited and God is not. In that way, it seems right to yield to God. That's why it feels "more like a womb." Living on the inside of that "womb" of God's sovereignty, I am safe, secure, and content.

I have been a believer and follower of Jesus since I was twelve years old. But, it wasn't really until I was in my late 20's that I really began to understand and know God as sovereign. My life has been remade by this truth.

I thanked God this morning that we did not bring that baby girl home. Not merely because I know He will lead us to our child. And not because I am "looking on the bright side" or trying to eek out some silver lining that makes the hurt worth it because something good might come out of it. It is simply because I know the character of God. He is in control. He is limitless in His knowledge and understanding. He is good, and He alone knows what is good for me.

Psalm 84:11, "For the LORD is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly."

Whatever it Takes

If you are a parent, you know that you will do whatever it takes for your child. We are the parents of two boys who we have biologically, and we know this to our core. And, I have been able to "weather" all the ups and downs, and all that adoption has required of us, because we've assumed that it will be the same with our next child.

But it is still an uphill walk of faith, this adoption journey. SO much more has been required of me with this experience than with my pregnancies, as I anticipated the arrival of our boys. I realize that isn't always the case. Some pregnancies require a lot. For example, one of my closest friends had to be on bed rest for the majority of her pregnancy, spent much grueling time in the hospital before the delivery, and had to fight the emotional battle of a very high risk pregnancy that wasn't going well. But, her mother's heart told her that this was her child and that she would do anything for him.

To this point, there have been many times that our faith in our adoption call has been challenged and we have been asking ourselves, are we sure about this? We have had to believe in those moments that when we reach the other side and hold our next child in our arms we will know in reality what we only know by faith now - that we would do anything for this child. This faceless child who we love so much. So, will we drain our savings account to pay for this adoption? Yes. Will we work our tails off to fundraise as much money as possible? Yes. Will we expose ourselves to all the unknowns of domestic adoption? Yes. Will we live in limbo for an undetermined amount of time? Yes. Will we risk being hurt? Yes.

There is proof in the pudding. (What does that expression even mean???) Anyway, a lot has been required of us as we have pursued our next child through adoption, and this weekend is no exception. We got a call last night that a baby girl had been born in a neighboring state and that we would be able to come get her if all went as planned. Here's the catch - because of some interstate adoption policies, we would have to STAY in that state for an undetermined amount of time because she could not cross the state line until some paperwork was approved. And, we would really be serving as what is called an interim care family (like foster care) until the mother signed her surrender of rights on Monday. And, we really knew nothing about the baby's health. The mother was only fifteen and had very minimal prenatal care.

Our social worker said, "You can be the family to take her home from the hospital if you are willing to consider this situation." Um, yes, we will consider this situation. Our hearts were ready to run to this baby that moment. The birth mother had chosen a closed adoption situation and no contact with the baby, so (for all we knew) this baby was in a hospital nursery being cared for but not being snuggled and adored with the love a parent has. As far as we knew, she had no name. She had no name. Would we put our life on hold and live in a hotel in another state for days or weeks to care for her while the details got smoothed out? Yes! Would we scurry around like chickens with our heads cut off to get together some girl things to take with us, knowing that we might not get to bring her home? Yes! Would we take the risk that she might have a terrible health situation and that our insurance costs would skyrocket in order to cover her? Yes! Would we be willing to have our hearts ripped out if the mother changed her mind after we had held her in our arms? Yes!

So, we were packed and ready to go this morning when our social worker called and told us that we were on hold because the "granny" had stepped up and said she would take the baby. We would have to wait until the birth mom made a final decision and we were told that we would hear from our social worker again in a few hours. You know the saying, "Times flies when you're having fun?" Well, we were NOT having fun. So time crept.

We were not angry with Granny or the birth mom for upsetting our plans or causing us hurt - this is their baby after all. We are determined that until the birth mom signs the surrender of rights, in any given situation, that we will remember - this is not our child. This is not about us.

And, we found out a few hours later that this is not our child. Granny and the birth mom's mom will be caring for the baby. That baby went home with them today, I presume. I am sure that she now has a name and I hope she is being snuggled and adored at this very moment. If you are so inclined, please pray for this family. God thrust us into this situation for some reason - it is not a waste because our God does not work that way. Maybe He simply wanted us and all those who are walking this adoption journey with us to cover this family in prayer. Maybe no one else prays for them.

Our suitcase is on the edge of our bed, still packed and ready to go. There is an infant car seat still sitting by the door beside a bag stocked with baby girl clothes that our sweet friend prepared for us in a moment's notice. Formula, bottles, and all things baby are still sitting in the nursery, ready to be loaded in the van. It is an empty feeling for sure.

But, we will do anything for the baby God has planned for our family. Including, throwing ourselves whole heartedly into a situation like this, even though it ended up to be a false alarm. The human part of me says that this will never really happen. That we will never really get a call that will result in an adoption. I want to quit and spare myself the pain and trouble. But, God has created in me a mama's heart for this child specifically. And that part of me can't quit. Our baby needs me not to quit. We will do whatever it takes for this child driven by that which, for now, we only know by faith.

Some Things are the Same

We have had two children biologically, and this is our first adoption. I've mentioned many times how different the adoption process is from being pregnant. But, some things are the same. When I was pregnant, I wondered about our babies and pondered the miracle of their lives. It is a very tender and precious time.

As an expectant mom now, I'm doing the same thing. I often listen to a song by Sandra McCracken, called "Hidden Place." She wrote it while she was pregnant with their daughter. It has become a prayer in my heart for our next child. Here are the lyrics:

i was made in a hidden place
there from your love i could not escape, if i tried
in wonder and in a trembling state
we wait to meet this child
i cannot see with human eyes
the secret plans you have devised
my heart is full as i contemplate the frailty and the fullness
oh i marvel at your goodness to me

how soon the fog will lift
we will hold her like a gift
but for now I rest in this in between
in the heavy clouds of this waiting season
knowing you are as close as the clothes I wear
these hours my soul will savor
you surround me as I waver
who am I to have known such favor?

i was made in a hidden place
there from your love I could not escape, if I tried

Sing for the Beauty

I LOVE to listen to Sara Groves! Her lyrics are so rich with deep deep truth. One of her more light-hearted songs is on her recent album "Fireflies and Songs." The name of the song is "Setting up the Pins." She notes on the album cover that she wrote this little ditty while washing dishes one day. That, my friends, is no accident. You'll see why....

Here are some of the lyrics:

man in a silk tie heads downtown
setting up the pins for knocking em down
people in cars all rushing around
setting up the pins

everyone everywhere some way some how
are setting up the pins for knocking em down

The basic idea is that we all have daily tasks/jobs that we do, knowing that they will just be undone again. I have experienced a lot of frustration and even guilt over this fact. I get so discouraged by the results of my work that I want to give up. I was in that sort of mood when I wrote this post.

But, I love the message that the rest of the song holds. She says that this endless cycle is not a waste...

you can find joy in the fertile ground
setting up the pins and knocking em down
you can try to fight it till you're anger drowned
setting up the pins

everyone everywhere some way some how
are setting up the pins for knocking em down
it can feel simple but it's really profound
setting up the pins

I forget this all the time, but my life is to be about the PROCESS not the PRODUCT. What type of a mother am I AS I am doing the dishes, laundry, budget, cooking, etc. Am I patient and peaceful? THAT is what my goal should be, not to have the work finished. When my family sees me joyfully doing whatever work needs to be done, they experience the effect of Christ in my life.

I want to be a picture, to my family in particular, of a woman who is full of God's Spirit, to the point that it spills out of me. And, Sara's lyrics go on to describe such a woman.

my grandmother had a working song
hummed it low all day long
sing for the beauty that's to be found
in setting up the pins for knocking em down

Can't you just picture this grandmother? I think there is something the women of former generations know that we have missed. They know how to take what comes at them and deal with it, in a strong and graceful kind of way. My grandmother is this way. She isn't the sweet little grandmother type, but she knows how to take life as it comes. She doesn't fight it. Maybe it's something life taught that generation in particular. Or, maybe it is the wisdom that comes with life in general. I guess only time will tell, but I hope to be that way.

Part of my problem is that I fight it. And I become "anger drowned." I forget that this life is not lasting, so why do I expect my work to be? And, I forget that the endless cycle of work is fruitful - it is designed to refine me. My faith is to be tested and purified in small daily matters as well as life changing trials. Like gold is refined - it's about the process.

Lastly, I get stuck in guilt. When I see that my work is undone, I feel like a failure and sit in a heap of guilt - that I am such a terrible wife and mother. There's no joy in that! This sends me into a cycle of its own, and this cycle is most definitely NOT fruitful! It feels like I am a rock in a washing machine cycle - just being tossed around, but to no end. I just need to get out of there. (If that makes any sense.)

As I said in my last post, when I have spent time in communion with God and have my priorities and expectations set accordingly, I carry on peacefully. I enjoy the feeling of serving my husband and kids, without resenting all that I have to do for them. I find a way to include my boys in these simple tasks, making them experiences we can share. (Zach can watch a washing machine cycle for hours, little scientist that he is.) I am able to appreciate the rhythm of the mundane instead of dreading it.

I am not really the homemaker type, but I know that God has called women to be keepers of the home. I don't mean that in the sense that there is "women's work" versus "men's work" or that women should not work outside the home. I simply mean that women are responsible for setting the tone in the home and are expected to "look well to the ways of her household." Proverbs 31:27. Simply put - "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" Can I get an amen??

THAT is my goal. I want more than anything to give my family the gift of a happy wife and mom. I want them to know that I love serving them. As I once heard a very wise Bible teacher say, "Who wouldn't want a Mama like that?" This type of women represents Christ well in her home and commends the Gospel of Christ to her family.

Sometimes, I literally put my ipod in my ears and listen to this song over and over again as I work, to remind me of this. Whatever it takes.....I will "sing for the beauty that's to be found in setting up the pins for knocking them down!"

P.S. I just burned the cookies I was baking for after school snack while writing this post!! Ha ha! How's that for timing! ; )

We're Approved!!!

Today we opened the mailbox and found our approval letter! Yahoooo!!!

Big Brother Room

We moved the boys upstairs over Christmas break to make room for a baby room downstairs. We wanted to go all out so they would love their new room. It was their big Christmas gift, and we did the reveal Christmas morning. They love their new room and have had no trouble adjusting. Another answered prayer!

They are really excited about a baby brother or sister. Zach says that he is excited "to have two little kids to take care of." Sam is excited about having a baby in our home. He gravitates to every baby we see. It has been fun to share this adoption journey with them!