He is Ours

Well, this is the post we've all been waiting for.... we have a baby boy in our home!

He's laying right here beside me on the couch grunting away. I had contemplated whether to keep the blog in "real time" as far as the events that are unfolding right now or to wait until the process was further along and then share. I decided to go ahead and post, bringing you along with us on this journey. I am going to reserve some parts of the story for the day when we can feel more sure that we will get to adopt him - like pictures, I'm not posting pictures for now. Isn't that mean of me? For now, just picture a tiny little boy with beautiful soft brown baby skin, lots of wavy hair, lips you want to kiss, and big eyes that seem to be speaking to you rather than just looking at you.

I'll introduce our little guy - his name is Evan Daniel. This is a name we chose for him. I have many posts in mind to break this story down into readable segments, so I'll tell you all about why we chose that name in another post. And, I will later tell you the timeline of events. For now, I want to tell you what it is like to call him "ours."

Here's the situation we are in. We got the call from the adoption agency Saturday morning and picked Evan up from the hospital a few hours later! His birth mom has to sign what is called a Surrender of Parental Rights sometime this week (hopefully tomorrow). Once she signs that form, we start counting to ten. There is a ten day revocation period, during which time she can change her mind, no questions asked. So, for now we are serving as somewhat of a foster care family for Evan. After the ten days are over, this is considered an adoption placement and we wait for the birth father's rights to be terminated (another process altogether). We can go to court and officially adopt Evan (Lord willing), six months from the time he was placed with us. So, as you can see, we still have quite a long road ahead. Although, you can breath a little sigh of relief because it does seem most likely that he will get to stay with us. We just know that you never know, ya know?

I do want to share where my heart is right now, given the circumstances. I feel firmly that he is "ours." There is a definite connection that was immediate. In fact, I had prepared myself to expect that he might look like a stranger to me when we first met him. But, he looked familiar to me. That was a precious, unexpected gift in itself. But calling him "ours" is even more than that.

I think David and I are both in this in between. If we walked into our church nursery and saw him among all the other babies, our affections would be for him. The other babies would be cute - he would be amazing. We feel that we know him. He likes to be sung to. He bleats instead of crying. Seems more concerned than angry when he's upset. Raises his eyebrows up really high when he hick-ups. Likes being snuggled but hates being swaddled. MUST have both arms up by his head (elbows up) while he is sleeping. And he is very serious about seeing that bottle at the three hour mark, usually running about fifteen minutes early. So he very much feels like ours.

But, it doesn't feel like he is our son. It is different than when we had Zach and Sam. I was upset about this at first, fearing that it meant I wasn't going to be able to bond completely or something. I think I'm over that. It helped to hear from other adoptive moms that they experienced the same "in between." That's one reason I want to share these feelings openly - I think it can be normal in our situation. He doesn't feel like our son because he isn't our son yet. Until his birth mom signs her surrender, he is completely her son. So, I guess it is natural that we have a certain level of reservation, although I don't feel like I am purposefully holding back. It feels more like we're just not there yet.

The best I know to describe it is that it feels like Evan is ours, but not completely. For now he is ours to care for in all the practical ways that he needs. He is ours to hold and snuggle just because we want to. He is ours to dote on and to study. He is ours to tell him that he has a family, that we love him. I am loving him the way he needs a mama to love. David is loving him the way he needs a daddy to love. And, you better believe he has two boys who are loving him like big brothers love. We want him to have all that now and it is ours to give. So, we give it freely. But, of course, we hope and pray that he is ours forever.

God's Will for Your Wait

I ran across this article about purposeful waiting, and it really encouraged me. Here are a few of my favorite quotes, beginning with my MOST favorite:

"Celebrate the fact that God will not forsake that process of grace in your life and ministry in order to deliver to you the momentary comfort, pleasure, and ease that you would rather have in your time of exhaustion, discouragement, and weakness. He simply loves you too much to exchange temporary gratification for eternal glory!"

"...waiting should actually be a relief. It’s a reminder that I don’t have as much power and control as I thought I had."

"I often remember what is said of Abraham in Romans 4:18-21. The passage tells us that as he waited, Abraham was strengthened in his faith. That’s not what we would expect, is it? We tend to think that, having been given a promise from God, a person might well begin to wait with vibrant faith. But as the wait drags on it seems like that faith would gradually weaken. So why did Abraham’s faith on the whole grow stronger and stronger? Because of what he did as he waited. During his wait, Abraham became a student of the character and power of God, and the more he saw God for who he is, the stronger his faith became."

You can go HERE for the entire article.

Secrets Revealed

It has officially been six months since we were approved for adoption. We are still waiting for our baby. Honestly, I thought we would have a hip baby by now. (You know how teensy babies have to be cradled then they get big enough to sit on your hip?) Didn't you think I would be toting a hip baby around by now? Me too!! What is up?

For those of you who are curious about what is going on (you are laying awake at night thinking about this, I know).... here's the scoop. There haven't really been many babies available for adoption through our agency this summer. In fact, until recently, there hadn't been any babies placed in our area through our agency. So, we're still "just waiting."

Anyway, I kind of unraveled several weeks ago and questioned the whole thing. Are we supposed to be adopting domestically, since there doesn't seem to be such an urgent need? Once I started questioning our specific choice of adoption paths, then I started also questioning the whole thing. It hasn't been pretty, let's just say that. I haven't wanted to post anything until either a) we got a baby or b) I could GET A GRIP and muster up some faith. I really started to question my own judgement in naming this blog "Believing is Seeing." Make a big deal about relying on faith - that's just inviting trouble, right?

Well, I'm 0 for 2. I decided to go ahead and post because I sense there is something significant about this time of waiting. Now, when I say there is something significant, I don't mean pleasant. I'm not lovin' it nor would I choose to still be waiting. I really want our baby to come. Our boys really want our baby to come. We are ready (or so we think). But, I don't want to overlook what God has purposed for this time of waiting.

When sharing my recent feelings of doubt about our adoption with a friend/mentor of mine, she suggested I do a study of people in the Bible who had to wait. I thought that was very insightful. So, I jumped right in. I started in Genesis. And, long about, OH Genesis TWELVE I found my first Bible person to study - Abraham. I am still studying Abraham's story as he waited for the promised son Isaac. I was reminded that it was more than fourteen years from the time God first promised Abraham a son to the time Isaac was born.

There's a lot I could tell you about my short time in this study. In fact, I just erased a paragraph of thoughts on one tangent that is not exactly relevant to my main point but was interesting none the less. (Curious, aren't you?) Here's what I am getting out of this study, overall.

1. God IS characterized by making people wait. Our six month adoption wait had caused me to start questioning what I believed God told us to do. We were called, through unique experiences and circumstances, to adopt domestically through our specific agency, to be open to either gender and any race, and to welcome the opportunity to have a level of openness with the baby's birth mom. I have been tempted to worry, what if we got it wrong and that's why there is a wait? (Then, I am saying that God is not able to effectively communicate His plan to us.) It just seemed that us having to wait was an indication that we were on the wrong adoption path, or that maybe were weren't called to adopt at all. But, after studying even just a bit of God's Word, I am seeing that making people wait is totally God's M O. More typically than not, people had to wait. Sometimes because of punishment (Israelites in the desert) sometimes for desires to be fulfilled (barren women crying out for a child) sometimes when promises were pending (Abraham and THE MESSIAH, for goodness sake!) and sometimes just because!

So, I have concluded that unless we have some strong evidence that suggests we should take a different direction, then we are going to stay put. I don't feel as threatened anymore by the fact that we are having to wait.

2. Also, I read something in my Bible study today that was very exciting. It says in Amos 3:7, "For the LORD GOD does nothing without first revealing his secret to his servants the prophets." And the text note for that verse says, "The God who acts also reveals himself and interprets HIs actions to and through the prophets." Abraham was considered God's first prophet. He and every one thereafter were told God's "secrets" and then basically had to sit on it. I mean, they did speak the prophecies to God's people, but there was ALWAYS a time where the prophecies would be "pending."

Now, I'm no prophet. But, this verse meant a lot to me. We believe that God has revealed his secret plan FOR us TO us - that we would welcome a child into our family through adoption. God has plans and He is the one who acts. AND, He reveals his secrets to his servants. That, in itself, is humbling. But also it seems there is significance in the fact that He reveals His secrets or plans, usually WAY before they come to pass. I could venture to guess at the purpose of this strategy, but for now it is comforting to me to think this time of waiting - between secret plans being revealed and secret plans coming to pass - is for a purpose. Not sure what the purpose is, exactly, but it's nice to know that Someone has a plan! ; )

P.S. I just think it is very interesting that many of the instances of people in the Bible who had to wait were waiting on a BABY (and babies of promise, no less). Think about it - Sarah, Hannah, Rachel, Elizabeth (to name a few) and of course, the entire nation of Israel who waited for the Messiah baby. Hmmm.....

Grand Total

We made a grand total of $575 at our lemonade stand this summer!

Lemonade for Sale - Build a Water Well!

We made $80 at our lemonade stand this morning! Can you believe it?!? We had a blast. People were SOOO generous. We're thinking it had something to do with the cuteness of the kids because people were willing to give even before they knew why! When people would ask how much for a cup of lemonade, one of the girls would say, "One dollar, but you can pay more if you want to." Ha ha. And, many of them did. One man brought us his change jar from home!!

This was such an awesome day! I HIGHLY encourage you to give it a go in your neighborhood. (And, if you do please leave a comment - we would love to hear about your success.) We are planning to do nine more weeks, with our grand finale on the day of our huge neighborhood yard sale. Here's how we did it....

First, we watched the video about Dollar for a Drink so the kids would understand the information if our customers asked.















Then, we added the lemonade mix, water and ice.















We squeezed some REAL lemons into the lemonade to make it extra tasty!















The kids stood out with a sign and had a cheer, "Lemonade for Sale - Build a Water Well." Zach had a short speech prepared that he said to every costumer who would listen. : ) Next week, we are going to print stickers to put on the cups with the DfaD website and have postcards to hand out with additional info





































We counted the money and celebrated! After we found out the total, one of the girls said, "Now THAT was worth it!" Mission accomplished.

Serving and Lemonade

*NOTE: Please hang on to the end of this post, there is an invitation for YOU! (And, if you linked through FB, I wasn't trying to trick you - I AM really excited about sharing this with you! Read on, you'll see....)

This post isn't about our adoption at all, but it is about another work God is doing in our family! This summer I have tried to provide some productive structure to our days. Each kid has a chart on a clipboard with various daily activities, including chores, school work practice, Bible time, quiet reading, "funtivity", etc. I feel like Michelle Dugger. Except that we never really pull it off. Most days, my kids watch too much tv, we go swim, and maybe conquer one or two of the things on the chart. I find that chores, school work practice and quiet reading go out the window, but we MAKE SURE we accomplish our daily funtivity. In mean, it IS summer!! And, I have found that I am always super excited about Bible time. Here's why...

Each day we do something different for Bible time - scripture memory, prayer with Mommy (each kid has his own turn to tell me how I can be praying for him), Bible study with Daddy (similar concept, except with David), writing letters to our Compassion International friends, and (my favorite for the summer) serving others. It has become really important to me that our kids equate Bible time with more than learning Bible stories or even memorizing scripture. I want them to understand that it takes doing to understand and learn what the Bible really means. Not "doing" in the sense of becoming good little boys in order to please God, but "doing" in the sense of experiencing what the Bible teaches, particularly about loving and serving others. In order for them to serve others, they have to become self forgetful and are able, then, to become more mindful of God and how He loves people.

So, each week we go through this process. First we ask, "Who do we know who needs to be served?" Jesus washed the disciples' feet and told his followers to "go and do likewise." He didn't mean, necessarily, to go and wash more feet. He washed the disciples feet because, in that time and culture, it was a job that needed to be done and that job was done by a servant. Jesus became a servant to those he loved. So, when we "do likewise," we first need to figure out what people need. Then, we try to think of ways we are able to serve them. It has really been a lot of fun!

I am SUPER DUPER excited about our latest project!! We are joining the effort of Joshua Guthrie in raising money and awareness for his organization Dollar for a Drink. Joshua is a teenager from our area who decided to do something about the global water crisis and started with this simple concept. You MUST go to the Dollar for a Drink website and see all the wonderful things God has done in the short time DFaD has existed!

Anyway, it all started when the boys and I were watching Joshua's latest promotional video and the boys really understood the need for water that is so widespread around the globe. And, they could easily understand how we could serve those people, by giving money and spreading the word. We started thinking about ideas to generate as much money as we could, and God gave us the perfect idea - open a weekly lemonade stand, selling cups of lemonade for $1 and telling our customers about Dollar for a Drink! We are going to have our lemonade stand open most Saturday mornings (weather and schedule permitting) in our front yard. People always descend upon our area for yard sales this time of year and we are hoping that will bring us plenty of customers. We have invited other families in the neighborhood to join us by bringing some of the supplies that we'll need each week and working the stand.

It's a win, win, win! Kids LOVE to do lemonade stands and they learn how they can make a difference in this world. Money and awareness will be raised for DFaD. AND we are hoping this will serve Joshua by blessing him and encouraging him to keep it up! (I have known Joshua since he was in preschool, so it is especially fun to join his effort!)

AREN'T YOU SO EXCITED!?!? You should be, because you could do it, too! You could set up a lemonade stand in your front yard, as a one time gig or as an ongoing project. You can easily donate the money you raise by using the donate feature on the DFaD website, so it doesn't matter what part of the country you are in. DO IT!! DO IT!! You know you want to! : )

I will post pics of our first ever "Lemonade supporting Dollar for a Drink" tomorrow!! If you are in Jackson, come by and get a cup of lemonade! (We will be in our front yard from 9-11 am).

This is the Way, Walk in It

I am up waaay too late, but I have to unload all that God is speaking to me now at 2:30 in the morning. In one week's time, my life circumstances have been turned upside down somewhat. I have felt God telling me to quit my part time job at the kids' school and stay home full time because I need to be more available at home. I threw a pretty big fit about it because it wasn't really a choice I would have made for myself. It was a job I loved, in a place I loved, working with people I love to work with. But God softened my hard heart and has made me content to do what His will is for me. God is good and His plans for us are good. I trust that.

So, one of the first things people say to me when they find out that I had to lay down my beloved job is that maybe God is freeing me up because our baby is on its way. That would be convenient, huh! But, in the same week we found out a few things regarding the adoption.

1. There has been a decrease in birth moms who are coming to the agency to make an adoption plan. For whatever reason.
2. There are now an unprecedented number of families who are available to adopt a child of any race. If the birth mom has no preference, they go with the longest waiting families and we are second on that list. If she wants to choose the family for her baby, however, she has plenty of families to choose from. Now we have some competition. Ha ha!

This is a GOOD development, that there are so many families, and we praise God for it! But, I have been tempted to feel confused. One reason we felt compelled to pursue domestic adoption was because of the need for people willing to adopt transracially. But, that was only one of the reasons. The other reason is that God has spoken clearly to us - "I am growing your family and your next child will come through adoption."

God spoke to us! That is a huge claim to make - that the Creator of the universe, God, spoke to us. Me and David. Christians need to realize what an outrageous thing this is to say. I could elaborate, but I'll just linky-loo you to a sermon our pastor preached recently on this truth, when it becomes available on our website. Stay tuned for that one.

This has been a recurring theme in things I read and hear - that God speaks to us. Some people ask how we know that God has "called us" to adopt, meaning how did we conclude that God was telling us to do this? Seems kind of obscure - I understand that. One way I experience the leading of God is when I hear certain truths repeated every time I turn around, it seems. That certainly happened in our call to adopt and it is happening again, now, with this revelation that God is speaking to us through our adoption journey.

The last time this theme came to me was the morning of April 16th. Anyone remember the events of morning? We were preparing to go pick up baby girl. I had not been very emotional about the whole thing (surprising) until I was running on the treadmill that morning (even MORE surprising) and I become overwhelmed by the knowledge that this adoption was completely born in our hearts because GOD SPOKE TO US!

When biological children come along, there are things that automatically motivate you to conceive a child. Maybe it's a desire for a baby or to be pregnant, other people starting their families, pressure to start a family perhaps, a longing to pour yourself out for the sake of another, cute baby clothes, whatever. (Not an exhaustive list, mind you.) Then, sometimes there are other "automatic motivators" - I'll just leave it at that. But, our experience with adoption has been that our desire and resolve to adopt originated solely by God speaking in our lives - "Do this." That's the beautiful realization that absolutely overwhelmed me on the treadmill that day. When I see this baby's face, I will have the knowledge that God did this, it was not of ourselves. Of course, it was God's work that brought our sons to us through biological means, but just as that experience was unique and special in its own way, so is this.

God spoke to us again today, but in a way I never expected. We got information about a baby to be born in July in a far away state, and the question on the table was - "Would we want to let the birth mom there know that we are interested in potentially adopting this child?" We received very detailed information. And we really both sensed, strongly, that we were not the family to adopt this child. So, we said no.

No matter what adoption process you are in, there are times that you have to declare what type situations you are willing to take on - whether in your paperwork or when you get a call about a baby. I have always wondered how we would know if we needed to say "no" because we are SOOO inclined to say "YES." How do you say "no" without feeling guilty or unsure? Well, God spoke and the answer was obvious. We felt a complete confidence and peace about it.

I won't go into details for now, but God is speaking to me again tonight - in the middle of the night. (I won't complain, since it is God, but I really hope David lets me sleep in tomorrow morning. He should, right? I mean - God spoke for cryin' out loud!) This is what I am hearing - I just know that our baby (or babies - we are open to two, in case you didn't know) is real and that when this all unfolds it is going to blow my head off, in terms of who God is and how He can work all things together. Not because I am confident that it will all go my way, but that God is truly amazing and much bigger than I am.

The scripture that has been ever present on my mind tonight is Isaiah 30. It's long, but the whole chapter is a beautiful, complete story of God's sovereignty and grace and begs to be read in its entirety. Even still, I am including some highlights that are particularly descriptive of God's steadfast love for me (us), despite my wavering and fit-throwing heart. It also describes the way God speaks to his children - tenderly, specifically, effectively, and how he redeems them when their hard hearts don't listen. Lastly, it testifies to the power that is overwhelming when God speaks.

Do Not Go Down to Egypt
“Ah, stubborn children,” declares the LORD,
“who carry out a plan, but not mine,
and who make an alliance, but not of my Spirit,
that they may add sin to sin;
who set out to go down to Egypt,
without asking for my direction,

And now, go, write it before them on a tablet
and inscribe it in a book,
that it may be for the time to come as a witness forever.
For they are a rebellious people,
lying children, children unwilling to hear
the instruction of the LORD;
who say to the seers, “Do not see,”
and to the prophets, “Do not prophesy to us what is right;
speak to us smooth things,
prophesy illusions, leave the way, turn aside from the path,
let us hear no more about the Holy One of Israel.”

For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel,
“In returning and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.”
But you were unwilling,

Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,
and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you.
For the LORD is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for him.

He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry.
As soon as he hears it, he answers you.
And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction,
yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher.
And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying,
“This is the way, walk in it,”
when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.
Then you will defile your carved idols overlaid with silver
and your gold-plated metal images.
You will scatter them as unclean things.
You will say to them, “Be gone!”