1. My eyes were tear filled at 4:30, when I realized that this waiting period is over. And, I realized at that point that I haven't really cried about all this. I think I've been emotionally frozen. I picked Evan up off his play mat and said, "We get to adopt you!" Now, he first smiled at me on the day he turned four weeks old when I said, "I think I get to be your Mama!" (The day K signed the termination papers.) I thought I would get another smile - no such luck.
2. The boys have been anticipating this day, the day "we find out if we get to adopt Evan." We told them from the beginning that there would be a period of time where Evan's birth mom would make the decision if she wanted to give her right to parent Evan to us. That period of time was longer than expected, of course, so the boys were very aware of what today meant and super excited. They each picked out a big brother gift (toy) for Evan this weekend to give to him today. We celebrated by driving through Dairy Queen and getting Blizzards, and taking one to David at work. I can tell that they are both relieved. It is an indescribable joy to a mama's heart to see her sons SO eager to welcome a new brother!
3. Zach's first reaction when I told him that K's decision is final and we get to adopt him was sadness for her. This little boy has such a tender heart. He said, "When she gets older she can have more kids, right? Then, she will be ok." Zach doesn't know the details of K's life, of course, and her age wasn't even the reason for her decision. But, that's how he processed it. I was able to tell him that K has said how happy she is that Evan is with us. I told him that we have talked on the phone and that she has said that God sent us into her life to be the ones to take care of Evan, that she knows he is right where he needs to be. He was relieved. It's amazing that even at such a young age, he gets it - adoption is multi-dimensional. One mom's moment of fullness is another mom's moment of loss. But, we trust and rely on God to fill her with joy and peace, as He already is doing.
4. Now, I will have to unload my thoughts about K and our relationship with her in another post altogether. But, for now let me say that I have been extra conscious of her today. I realized today that I have felt a sense of deference to her, emotionally. I haven't felt free to "move in" emotionally until her decision was final. Maybe it was to protect myself, but I also think there has been a certain feeling of respect. That sense of respect is easier to pull off when the birth mom is volunteering to surrender her parental rights, rather than having them terminated because she won't care for the child. But, in our case, I have felt a sense of partnering with her, as I am now free to fully accept the role of "Evan's mom." Sort of like she is handing the "mommy" baton off to me. (Cheesy illustration, I know.) As my love for Evan has grown deeper today, so has my love for her.
5. As a keepsake from this day, we made handprint ornaments out of air dry modeling clay. This seemed to mean a lot to the big boys. In fact, each boy requested that I make an extra Evan handprint for them to hang in their locker at school. I cannot tell you how amazing it has been to watch my boys' hearts grow during this process. I am confident that the experience of adopting Evan has shaped these two young boys and is a vital part of God's plan to make them the men He plans for them to be.
This is beautiful.
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