Why Wait?

The adoption process is very different from pregnancy. The unknown timeframe of the process is one of the most challenging aspects that we have experienced. Adoption is something that you have to gear up for - the expenses, the paperwork, the emotional roller coaster, the great unknown. We have been driven by our conviction to care for orphans and God's will to bring another child into our family. Those convictions provided enough "umph" to help us muscle through all the hard work involved. And then....

We turned in our paperwork on November 6th, and expected to move to the next (and final) step of the approval process in a matter of weeks. Instead, we waited THREE MONTHS for that next step - our home visit. During this time there was nothing for us to do except wait. This waiting seemed like a waste because nothing seemed to be happening. And the reality is that nothing WAS happening. There had been some staffing changes at our adoption agency, so our paperwork probably wasn't touched that entire time. And, although we knew that our new social worker was doing the best she could, it really took the wind out of our sails. I was even tempted to question if we were sure that we should be adopting at all. It didn't seem real anymore.

When some friends of ours were in their adoption process, they also experienced an unexpected delay. At the time, it seemed ridiculous. But my friend had a response that was full of faith. She said that she was confident God was leading them to their child. And if He had to slow the process down to make that happen, then so be it. And she was right, of course. The delay in their process ended up making the timing perfect for them to be chosen for their baby boy.

That piece of wisdom has helped me tremendously during our wait. I think it is typical for us to think that having to wait for something we desire means that something has gone wrong. When the process speeds up, we attribute that to good fortune or God. When it slows down, especially for a reason that seems preventable or unnecessary, we become grumblers.

So, by faith we have chosen to believe that the wait, itself, is what has been happening. God has ordained this space in time so that all will fall into place as He has planned. Waiting is an active process, so those three months were not a waste.

That being said, our approval letter should arrive very soon, and we will be VERY thrilled for the next waiting to begin!

P.S. Here is a link to a great article on waiting that has encouraged me recently. Just in case there is something you are waiting for!

Only One Thing is Necessary

This is the post I promised a few weeks ago, in response to the struggle I was experiencing and wrote about here. Basically, I was feeling overwhelmed by ALL that needed to be done and the fact that I didn't (and never seem) have it in me to do any of it.

Well, I'm sitting here now with basically the same amount of work I had on my plate that day. Isn't that always the way it is? When we can finally check a few things off our list, a few more things are added. Not to mention the fact that those daily grind tasks remain on the lists and simply get done and then undone. A mother's work is never done.

When I wrote the first post, I was in the same situation I am now, but it is affecting me in a completely different way. I believe it is my attitude that has changed, since it is obviously not my "to do" list. I am content with the knowledge that "it" won't get done. I am able to be relaxed in the midst of it. What makes that difference, you ask?

Calibration. My mind, emotions, body and soul are calibrated accurately. Calibrated to what standard? I'll explain.

Luke 11:38-42 recounts the Biblical story of Mary and Martha, when Jesus came to visit their home. The Bible says that Mary "sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving." Martha complained to Jesus that Mary wasn't helping and here is Jesus' reply:

"But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion which will not be taken away from her."

Until I was a mother, I completely missed the part that is now revolutionary to me. The part that stands out to me now is the phrase "which will not be taken away from her." Aaahhh. In a world where everything is taken away from me, just after I complete it (dishes, laundry, diapers, homework, etc), it is refreshing to think of applying myself to something that WILL NOT be taken away. And what Jesus is referring to here is communion with Him.

I was taught the disciplines of Bible study and prayer as a teenager in my church's youth group, but it was motherhood that taught me my need to spend time alone with God, praying, meditating, and studying His Word. It is during this time that, metaphorically speaking, my heads comes above the water for a breath and I gain some perspective. I see that this world (and all that troubles me now) is temporal and I see more clearly the world I am made for, which is eternal. I am encouraged, convicted, comforted, and ready to be thrust back into it.

This is what I mean when I say that I'm "calibrated." In this time of communion with God, my whole self is re-calibrated according to what my Lord see as important. I am able to keep the valuable plates spinning. My expectations are set accordingly. And, when I re-enter my day after this time of adjustment, it lasts.

I know what Jesus was saying when he referred to this "one thing" that is necessary. It is that time of focused attention on Him, lest I go toward my natural inclination, which ME, ME, ME. All that serves ME and makes ME happy and comfortable. Everything and everyone who is irritating ME and letting ME down. In fact, what I really need in the way of "me time" is this re-calibration, which helps me forget about ME.

And, I know what he means when he says "it will not be taken away from her." Because, when I see my laundry basket and the endless tasks on my list after having been calibrated in my time with God, I am okay. I actually (brace yourself for this) enjoy it. What? Did I just say that? Yes! It's similar to the old adage - taking time to smell the roses. Except, it should be "taking time to smell the fabric softener." And, listen now, I love some good smellin' fabric softener. It is my second favorite smell, next to the smell of a car air conditioner when it first comes on. That tidbit was for free, dear readers.

And, so, the real answer to my original post was that I needed to park my little fussy self at the Lord's feet, as Mary did, and let him change me.

Waiting in Line

Have any of you ever gone shopping on Black Friday? If so, you'll easily relate. If not, you'll have to imagine joining the back of a check out line with your items, knowing that the line wraps all the way around the store before you even see the register. And, when you reach the front of that line (2 hours later) you meet a sales associate who gives you a ticket and says that you are now able to join the line where you will actually check your items out at the register. So, you've waited all this time in a preliminary line and are now progressing to the REAL check out line.

In our adoption process, we are basically at the front of the preliminary line and waiting for the ticket to the actual waiting line. That is, we are waiting for our approval letter to come, hopefully this week. When we receive the approval letter, the official wait begins. After that, we will be waiting for a call from our adoption agency that we have been chosen as the family a birthmom would like to place her baby with. The birthmom could be at any point in her pregnancy or there could be a baby that has been born and is at the hospital, ready to be picked up.

So, as you can see, once we get in the real check out line we have no idea how fast or slow it will be moving. Literally, our baby could come home with us in a matter of days, weeks, or months. We are trying to do what we can to be ready for any scenerio. The boys moved to their bedroom upstairs. The baby bed is up and the nursery is coming together. We were blessed to find a super great deal on a van and David sold his Jeep to help pay for it. So, we now have room for three carseats. I guess you could say that we are most definitely "sitting on GO." We'll keep you posted!

Announcement.....

Our last interview is scheduled for Friday, February 4th!!!! This is when our case worker will visit our home. After this visit, she has 30 days to write up our home study for approval. Hopefully, we will be approved by the beginning of March! Spring baby maybe???? It's all becoming more real - and a little scary, if ya wanna know! ; )

Plate Spinning

Well, I have some answers to the question(s) I posed in my post about the frustrations of motherhood. No one really tried to chime in with an answer, but several people responded letting me know that they "feel it". That was incredibly more encouraging than it would have been to receive a lot of comments containing practical advice regarding housekeeping and mothering. But, in the midst of my pondering/pity party, I believe the Lord used things my friends said, songs I've listened to, reminders of "epiphanies" I've had in the past, and scripture to bring me clarity.

Now that I'm a blogger, I think in blog posts. For example, when something happens, or especially when I stumble upon a discovery, I automatically see it in "blog" form. Kind of an altered reality. It's weird. Anyway, as I've processed this motherhood thing, the "answers" that have recently come my way fit neatly into a three (maybe four) part series of posts, each with a corresponding scripture and source. Perfect. That's how I like it. ; ) I hope you are encouraged as I have been.

Some of you have already heard my plate spinning analogy. Actually, I first heard this analogy from my sister in law, but I stole and embellished it! : ) Goes like this...... You know how a plate spinner's job is to keep a bunch of breakable plates spinning on tall sticks? The goal is to keep them spinning so that none fall, right? And, when one starts to wobble the plate spinner goes to that plate and gives it a spin. But, when he does that another plate starts to wobble, and so on.....(Translation, in case you don't follow... You try to cook a healthy meal for your family, but yell at your kids who are in the kitchen bugging you while you cook. And, as you are kneeling down in the floor to apologize to the three year old for bringing him to tears with your raised voice, dinner burns! You take everyone out to Chick-fil-A to save your sanity, which is out of budget.)

THAT is exactly what I was describing in my post about motherhood. That's what it can feel like to be a mother (or anyone who has a lot of people depending upon her, for that matter.) But, consider this - what if the goal of the plate spinner would be different?

What if the plate spinner was given a variety of plates - including some that were ordinary (from Goodwill, let's say) and some that were precious antique fine china, and all varieties in between. And, what if it was EXPECTED that the plate spinner would drop some plates? And, every time a plate fell he would be handed another (unspecified) plate to start. What if the goal was not to make sure ALL the plates stayed spinning but that he would choose precisely WHICH plates were most valuable and needed his attention at the moment. What if the goal was to keep the precious plates spinning, letting the other plates go?

See? That changes everything, doesn't it? I know that these are some precious "plates" in my life - playing trains with Sam, doing projects with Zach, patiently correcting my kids, being helpful to my husband, going on dates with him, exercising, and having coffee with friends. Then, there are "paper plates" in my life, that I know I should decisively let fall (retrieving the dust bunnies from underneath my bed - does anyone do that?) The problem is, there are some plates that "morph." For example, the laundry/dishes/house is never a precious plate, really, but is an ordinary plate that sometimes holds more value and needs my full attention, because as I am keeping that plate in its course, my precious plates (i.e. family) are also being spun well because they are interconnected. (i.e. clean laundry/dishes/house = a home that is more peaceful and pleasant.) But, other times those plates need to be let go. It takes a lot of wisdom.

Overall, though, it is encouraging just to recognize that all plates (i.e. responsibilities, commitments, tasks, etc) don't carry the same value. And that my task is not to keep them all spinning (which is impossible), but to exercise wisdom in devoting the proper time and energy to the precious plates. AND COMPLETELY RELEASING THE PLATES THAT I MUST LET GO OF (that's where I struggle the most). I believe that God provides this wisdom to all who seek it:

Psalm 90:12-13

"So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love that we may rejoice and be glad all our days."

That second part, I believe, holds the secret to how we fulfill this challenge in the way God intends - with joy. Instead of a plate spinner who is tense, rigid and exhausted, I imagine that the Lord intends for us to spin our plates with ease and pleasure. Less of a workout and more of a dance!

And that, my fellow plate spinners, will be the topic of "part 2" of this series entitled - "Only One Thing is Needed." Because I've learned (but often forget) that being in close communion with God is the only plate that always holds a priceless value!

$$ Tuesday's Big Tally $$

I'll just go ahead and let the cat out of the bag - we have raised $7,642 for our adoption in three months!!! Can you believe it? We are overwhelmed at the support we have received, certainly through the money given, but mostly through people's attitudes about our adoption. During every fundraising project, people (more than we can count) absolutely TOOK IT ON! It seems like everywhere we go people are asking us about the adoption and wanting to know how it is going, along with our fundraising efforts. It really is amazing. Thank you, everyone who is reading, for joining us in our journey!

I have added our fundraising progress to the "Timeline" sidebar, so people can see exactly how much we have raised in each area. I hope this will encourage those of you who are adopting (or considering it) when you see actual numbers. For example, I NEVER imagined that we would raise $1300 selling Ugandan necklaces through 147 Million Orphans. We had necklaces coming out of our ears for several weeks, but it was SO worth it. Here's a cute picture of the boys with a bunch of necklaces (and donning their new 147 Million Orphan t-shirts, which they LOVE)....

Also, I can't stress enough how generous people have been in giving gifts. Sometimes people would write their check for extra when they would buy a necklace or some days we will just receive a random check in the mail. And, we haven't asked for any of it! I say that to encourage anyone who is considering adoption and intimidated by the cost. People are eager to support adoption by giving money. And, I want to encourage those of you who are giving to keep giving. It really makes all the difference to the family who is embarking on this journey. It has made us feel like we are not alone.

We have a goal of still raising around $5,400. Our desire is to raise $13,000 because that is what we will receive back in tax credits next year. Out of that money, we plan to give the amount we made through fundraising to our church's adoption fund. There are several families desiring to adopt in our church and it would be awesome to see all that money being used again and again for adoption. Hopefully, Congress will pass the adoption tax credit again this year. As it stands, the tax credit will expire at the end of this year, so we have to finalize our adoption by the end of the year to receive the tax credit at all if they don't extend it. That means we must get our baby by this June! (There is a six month waiting period before you can finalize.) We encourage all of you to write your U.S. Congressmen and request that the Adoption Tax Credit be approved indefinitely.

Many of you have asked about our timeline - we are waiting. Patiently and anxiously waiting. We have done all our paperwork and are waiting for our case worker to come visit our home and submit our home study. Then, we will be approved and will start waiting again - for a birth mother to choose our family. We have been in a holding pattern since the first of November because of some changes at our agency, which has been a little frustrating, I'll admit. But, we know God is in control of the details and will make sure our child comes to us at the right time. Personally, I'm hoping for a spring baby! : ) Never had one of those before!!!

I'll have some more pictures to share soon of our boys' new room! The big brothers got to move upstairs to make room for the baby downstairs. We went all out and made the room makeover their big Christmas present. It looks great. Next, we'll be putting up a baby bed. Oh my!

Here's a Thought (and then a question)

I realize that I haven't blogged in awhile, but I'm not going to feel bad about it because that's just the kind of pressure I was avoiding when I said I would never blog. I just can't feel bad about one more thing I haven't completed.....read on and you'll understand.....

This really has nothing to do with adoption, except that it has EVERYTHING to do with motherhood. "A mother's work is never done." Ever heard that? Well, it's true. And it's driving me CRAZY! What's even more maddening is that I constantly have trouble determining which is the most important thing to devote my time and energy to.

For example, I'm sitting here blogging while at least 5 loads of laundry are sitting in their respective piles jeering at me. Well, it feels like they are jeering. My husband was kind enough to do the dishes for me tonight. Thank you, husband. But, there are SO many things in my life that I always leave undone, not the least of which is the treadmill that stands idle in my upstairs room. I just hate this feeling.

A couple of years ago, I had an epiphany. As I was searching through thousands of digital pictures to arrange into photo books (yet another task undone, by the way) I happened upon pictures like these...

Where was I when these pictures were being taken? I was right there. I wasn't doing any of the tasks that, I'm sure, were driving me crazy at the time. And, when I look at these pictures I have no idea what the rest of the house looked like. Except that I can definitely see a big mess in some of them. But, that mess doesn't bother me. Seeing my life in pictures brought me perspective.

Isn't that an awesome thought! I don't want to be Debbie Downer here, but it didn't last. It never lasts.

I just tucked the boys in bed about an hour ago and snuggled with them. Zach and I had a sweet conversation that allowed me so see into his tender little heart. While I was snuggling him up, I though to myself - this is what matters. I will not worry over all the "stuff" that clouds up my mind and makes me so irritable that I lose my patience with this sweet little boy. Then, I came into the living room, started on the laundry basket, saw the rest of the laundry and it all unraveled. It just doesn't stick.

So, someone help me out. I either need to know how to keep it all done (which is never going to happen b/c I'm not that kinda girl). Or, I need to find a way to be okay that "it" is not done and never will be. It seems like some mothers aren't disturbed about this issue like I am. If you are one of those mothers, tell me - what is the secret to this impossible mission of motherhood?