We have had two children biologically, and this is our first adoption. I've mentioned many times how different the adoption process is from being pregnant. But, some things are the same. When I was pregnant, I wondered about our babies and pondered the miracle of their lives. It is a very tender and precious time.
As an expectant mom now, I'm doing the same thing. I often listen to a song by Sandra McCracken, called "Hidden Place." She wrote it while she was pregnant with their daughter. It has become a prayer in my heart for our next child. Here are the lyrics:
i was made in a hidden place
there from your love i could not escape, if i tried
in wonder and in a trembling state
we wait to meet this child
i cannot see with human eyes
the secret plans you have devised
my heart is full as i contemplate the frailty and the fullness
oh i marvel at your goodness to me
how soon the fog will lift
we will hold her like a gift
but for now I rest in this in between
in the heavy clouds of this waiting season
knowing you are as close as the clothes I wear
these hours my soul will savor
you surround me as I waver
who am I to have known such favor?
i was made in a hidden place
there from your love I could not escape, if I tried
Friday, March 25, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Sing for the Beauty
I LOVE to listen to Sara Groves! Her lyrics are so rich with deep deep truth. One of her more light-hearted songs is on her recent album "Fireflies and Songs." The name of the song is "Setting up the Pins." She notes on the album cover that she wrote this little ditty while washing dishes one day. That, my friends, is no accident. You'll see why....
Here are some of the lyrics:
man in a silk tie heads downtown
setting up the pins for knocking em down
people in cars all rushing around
setting up the pins
everyone everywhere some way some how
are setting up the pins for knocking em down
The basic idea is that we all have daily tasks/jobs that we do, knowing that they will just be undone again. I have experienced a lot of frustration and even guilt over this fact. I get so discouraged by the results of my work that I want to give up. I was in that sort of mood when I wrote this post.
But, I love the message that the rest of the song holds. She says that this endless cycle is not a waste...
you can find joy in the fertile ground
setting up the pins and knocking em down
you can try to fight it till you're anger drowned
setting up the pins
everyone everywhere some way some how
are setting up the pins for knocking em down
it can feel simple but it's really profound
setting up the pins
I forget this all the time, but my life is to be about the PROCESS not the PRODUCT. What type of a mother am I AS I am doing the dishes, laundry, budget, cooking, etc. Am I patient and peaceful? THAT is what my goal should be, not to have the work finished. When my family sees me joyfully doing whatever work needs to be done, they experience the effect of Christ in my life.
I want to be a picture, to my family in particular, of a woman who is full of God's Spirit, to the point that it spills out of me. And, Sara's lyrics go on to describe such a woman.
my grandmother had a working song
hummed it low all day long
sing for the beauty that's to be found
in setting up the pins for knocking em down
Can't you just picture this grandmother? I think there is something the women of former generations know that we have missed. They know how to take what comes at them and deal with it, in a strong and graceful kind of way. My grandmother is this way. She isn't the sweet little grandmother type, but she knows how to take life as it comes. She doesn't fight it. Maybe it's something life taught that generation in particular. Or, maybe it is the wisdom that comes with life in general. I guess only time will tell, but I hope to be that way.
Part of my problem is that I fight it. And I become "anger drowned." I forget that this life is not lasting, so why do I expect my work to be? And, I forget that the endless cycle of work is fruitful - it is designed to refine me. My faith is to be tested and purified in small daily matters as well as life changing trials. Like gold is refined - it's about the process.
Lastly, I get stuck in guilt. When I see that my work is undone, I feel like a failure and sit in a heap of guilt - that I am such a terrible wife and mother. There's no joy in that! This sends me into a cycle of its own, and this cycle is most definitely NOT fruitful! It feels like I am a rock in a washing machine cycle - just being tossed around, but to no end. I just need to get out of there. (If that makes any sense.)
As I said in my last post, when I have spent time in communion with God and have my priorities and expectations set accordingly, I carry on peacefully. I enjoy the feeling of serving my husband and kids, without resenting all that I have to do for them. I find a way to include my boys in these simple tasks, making them experiences we can share. (Zach can watch a washing machine cycle for hours, little scientist that he is.) I am able to appreciate the rhythm of the mundane instead of dreading it.
I am not really the homemaker type, but I know that God has called women to be keepers of the home. I don't mean that in the sense that there is "women's work" versus "men's work" or that women should not work outside the home. I simply mean that women are responsible for setting the tone in the home and are expected to "look well to the ways of her household." Proverbs 31:27. Simply put - "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" Can I get an amen??
THAT is my goal. I want more than anything to give my family the gift of a happy wife and mom. I want them to know that I love serving them. As I once heard a very wise Bible teacher say, "Who wouldn't want a Mama like that?" This type of women represents Christ well in her home and commends the Gospel of Christ to her family.
Sometimes, I literally put my ipod in my ears and listen to this song over and over again as I work, to remind me of this. Whatever it takes.....I will "sing for the beauty that's to be found in setting up the pins for knocking them down!"
P.S. I just burned the cookies I was baking for after school snack while writing this post!! Ha ha! How's that for timing! ; )
Here are some of the lyrics:
man in a silk tie heads downtown
setting up the pins for knocking em down
people in cars all rushing around
setting up the pins
everyone everywhere some way some how
are setting up the pins for knocking em down
The basic idea is that we all have daily tasks/jobs that we do, knowing that they will just be undone again. I have experienced a lot of frustration and even guilt over this fact. I get so discouraged by the results of my work that I want to give up. I was in that sort of mood when I wrote this post.
But, I love the message that the rest of the song holds. She says that this endless cycle is not a waste...
you can find joy in the fertile ground
setting up the pins and knocking em down
you can try to fight it till you're anger drowned
setting up the pins
everyone everywhere some way some how
are setting up the pins for knocking em down
it can feel simple but it's really profound
setting up the pins
I forget this all the time, but my life is to be about the PROCESS not the PRODUCT. What type of a mother am I AS I am doing the dishes, laundry, budget, cooking, etc. Am I patient and peaceful? THAT is what my goal should be, not to have the work finished. When my family sees me joyfully doing whatever work needs to be done, they experience the effect of Christ in my life.
I want to be a picture, to my family in particular, of a woman who is full of God's Spirit, to the point that it spills out of me. And, Sara's lyrics go on to describe such a woman.
my grandmother had a working song
hummed it low all day long
sing for the beauty that's to be found
in setting up the pins for knocking em down
Can't you just picture this grandmother? I think there is something the women of former generations know that we have missed. They know how to take what comes at them and deal with it, in a strong and graceful kind of way. My grandmother is this way. She isn't the sweet little grandmother type, but she knows how to take life as it comes. She doesn't fight it. Maybe it's something life taught that generation in particular. Or, maybe it is the wisdom that comes with life in general. I guess only time will tell, but I hope to be that way.
Part of my problem is that I fight it. And I become "anger drowned." I forget that this life is not lasting, so why do I expect my work to be? And, I forget that the endless cycle of work is fruitful - it is designed to refine me. My faith is to be tested and purified in small daily matters as well as life changing trials. Like gold is refined - it's about the process.
Lastly, I get stuck in guilt. When I see that my work is undone, I feel like a failure and sit in a heap of guilt - that I am such a terrible wife and mother. There's no joy in that! This sends me into a cycle of its own, and this cycle is most definitely NOT fruitful! It feels like I am a rock in a washing machine cycle - just being tossed around, but to no end. I just need to get out of there. (If that makes any sense.)
As I said in my last post, when I have spent time in communion with God and have my priorities and expectations set accordingly, I carry on peacefully. I enjoy the feeling of serving my husband and kids, without resenting all that I have to do for them. I find a way to include my boys in these simple tasks, making them experiences we can share. (Zach can watch a washing machine cycle for hours, little scientist that he is.) I am able to appreciate the rhythm of the mundane instead of dreading it.
I am not really the homemaker type, but I know that God has called women to be keepers of the home. I don't mean that in the sense that there is "women's work" versus "men's work" or that women should not work outside the home. I simply mean that women are responsible for setting the tone in the home and are expected to "look well to the ways of her household." Proverbs 31:27. Simply put - "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" Can I get an amen??
THAT is my goal. I want more than anything to give my family the gift of a happy wife and mom. I want them to know that I love serving them. As I once heard a very wise Bible teacher say, "Who wouldn't want a Mama like that?" This type of women represents Christ well in her home and commends the Gospel of Christ to her family.
Sometimes, I literally put my ipod in my ears and listen to this song over and over again as I work, to remind me of this. Whatever it takes.....I will "sing for the beauty that's to be found in setting up the pins for knocking them down!"
P.S. I just burned the cookies I was baking for after school snack while writing this post!! Ha ha! How's that for timing! ; )
Friday, March 11, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Big Brother Room
We moved the boys upstairs over Christmas break to make room for a baby room downstairs. We wanted to go all out so they would love their new room. It was their big Christmas gift, and we did the reveal Christmas morning. They love their new room and have had no trouble adjusting. Another answered prayer!
They are really excited about a baby brother or sister. Zach says that he is excited "to have two little kids to take care of." Sam is excited about having a baby in our home. He gravitates to every baby we see. It has been fun to share this adoption journey with them!
They are really excited about a baby brother or sister. Zach says that he is excited "to have two little kids to take care of." Sam is excited about having a baby in our home. He gravitates to every baby we see. It has been fun to share this adoption journey with them!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Why Wait?
The adoption process is very different from pregnancy. The unknown timeframe of the process is one of the most challenging aspects that we have experienced. Adoption is something that you have to gear up for - the expenses, the paperwork, the emotional roller coaster, the great unknown. We have been driven by our conviction to care for orphans and God's will to bring another child into our family. Those convictions provided enough "umph" to help us muscle through all the hard work involved. And then....
We turned in our paperwork on November 6th, and expected to move to the next (and final) step of the approval process in a matter of weeks. Instead, we waited THREE MONTHS for that next step - our home visit. During this time there was nothing for us to do except wait. This waiting seemed like a waste because nothing seemed to be happening. And the reality is that nothing WAS happening. There had been some staffing changes at our adoption agency, so our paperwork probably wasn't touched that entire time. And, although we knew that our new social worker was doing the best she could, it really took the wind out of our sails. I was even tempted to question if we were sure that we should be adopting at all. It didn't seem real anymore.
When some friends of ours were in their adoption process, they also experienced an unexpected delay. At the time, it seemed ridiculous. But my friend had a response that was full of faith. She said that she was confident God was leading them to their child. And if He had to slow the process down to make that happen, then so be it. And she was right, of course. The delay in their process ended up making the timing perfect for them to be chosen for their baby boy.
That piece of wisdom has helped me tremendously during our wait. I think it is typical for us to think that having to wait for something we desire means that something has gone wrong. When the process speeds up, we attribute that to good fortune or God. When it slows down, especially for a reason that seems preventable or unnecessary, we become grumblers.
So, by faith we have chosen to believe that the wait, itself, is what has been happening. God has ordained this space in time so that all will fall into place as He has planned. Waiting is an active process, so those three months were not a waste.
That being said, our approval letter should arrive very soon, and we will be VERY thrilled for the next waiting to begin!
P.S. Here is a link to a great article on waiting that has encouraged me recently. Just in case there is something you are waiting for!
We turned in our paperwork on November 6th, and expected to move to the next (and final) step of the approval process in a matter of weeks. Instead, we waited THREE MONTHS for that next step - our home visit. During this time there was nothing for us to do except wait. This waiting seemed like a waste because nothing seemed to be happening. And the reality is that nothing WAS happening. There had been some staffing changes at our adoption agency, so our paperwork probably wasn't touched that entire time. And, although we knew that our new social worker was doing the best she could, it really took the wind out of our sails. I was even tempted to question if we were sure that we should be adopting at all. It didn't seem real anymore.
When some friends of ours were in their adoption process, they also experienced an unexpected delay. At the time, it seemed ridiculous. But my friend had a response that was full of faith. She said that she was confident God was leading them to their child. And if He had to slow the process down to make that happen, then so be it. And she was right, of course. The delay in their process ended up making the timing perfect for them to be chosen for their baby boy.
That piece of wisdom has helped me tremendously during our wait. I think it is typical for us to think that having to wait for something we desire means that something has gone wrong. When the process speeds up, we attribute that to good fortune or God. When it slows down, especially for a reason that seems preventable or unnecessary, we become grumblers.
So, by faith we have chosen to believe that the wait, itself, is what has been happening. God has ordained this space in time so that all will fall into place as He has planned. Waiting is an active process, so those three months were not a waste.
That being said, our approval letter should arrive very soon, and we will be VERY thrilled for the next waiting to begin!
P.S. Here is a link to a great article on waiting that has encouraged me recently. Just in case there is something you are waiting for!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Only One Thing is Necessary
This is the post I promised a few weeks ago, in response to the struggle I was experiencing and wrote about here. Basically, I was feeling overwhelmed by ALL that needed to be done and the fact that I didn't (and never seem) have it in me to do any of it.
Well, I'm sitting here now with basically the same amount of work I had on my plate that day. Isn't that always the way it is? When we can finally check a few things off our list, a few more things are added. Not to mention the fact that those daily grind tasks remain on the lists and simply get done and then undone. A mother's work is never done.
When I wrote the first post, I was in the same situation I am now, but it is affecting me in a completely different way. I believe it is my attitude that has changed, since it is obviously not my "to do" list. I am content with the knowledge that "it" won't get done. I am able to be relaxed in the midst of it. What makes that difference, you ask?
Calibration. My mind, emotions, body and soul are calibrated accurately. Calibrated to what standard? I'll explain.
Luke 11:38-42 recounts the Biblical story of Mary and Martha, when Jesus came to visit their home. The Bible says that Mary "sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving." Martha complained to Jesus that Mary wasn't helping and here is Jesus' reply:
"But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion which will not be taken away from her."
Until I was a mother, I completely missed the part that is now revolutionary to me. The part that stands out to me now is the phrase "which will not be taken away from her." Aaahhh. In a world where everything is taken away from me, just after I complete it (dishes, laundry, diapers, homework, etc), it is refreshing to think of applying myself to something that WILL NOT be taken away. And what Jesus is referring to here is communion with Him.
I was taught the disciplines of Bible study and prayer as a teenager in my church's youth group, but it was motherhood that taught me my need to spend time alone with God, praying, meditating, and studying His Word. It is during this time that, metaphorically speaking, my heads comes above the water for a breath and I gain some perspective. I see that this world (and all that troubles me now) is temporal and I see more clearly the world I am made for, which is eternal. I am encouraged, convicted, comforted, and ready to be thrust back into it.
This is what I mean when I say that I'm "calibrated." In this time of communion with God, my whole self is re-calibrated according to what my Lord see as important. I am able to keep the valuable plates spinning. My expectations are set accordingly. And, when I re-enter my day after this time of adjustment, it lasts.
I know what Jesus was saying when he referred to this "one thing" that is necessary. It is that time of focused attention on Him, lest I go toward my natural inclination, which ME, ME, ME. All that serves ME and makes ME happy and comfortable. Everything and everyone who is irritating ME and letting ME down. In fact, what I really need in the way of "me time" is this re-calibration, which helps me forget about ME.
And, I know what he means when he says "it will not be taken away from her." Because, when I see my laundry basket and the endless tasks on my list after having been calibrated in my time with God, I am okay. I actually (brace yourself for this) enjoy it. What? Did I just say that? Yes! It's similar to the old adage - taking time to smell the roses. Except, it should be "taking time to smell the fabric softener." And, listen now, I love some good smellin' fabric softener. It is my second favorite smell, next to the smell of a car air conditioner when it first comes on. That tidbit was for free, dear readers.
And, so, the real answer to my original post was that I needed to park my little fussy self at the Lord's feet, as Mary did, and let him change me.
Well, I'm sitting here now with basically the same amount of work I had on my plate that day. Isn't that always the way it is? When we can finally check a few things off our list, a few more things are added. Not to mention the fact that those daily grind tasks remain on the lists and simply get done and then undone. A mother's work is never done.
When I wrote the first post, I was in the same situation I am now, but it is affecting me in a completely different way. I believe it is my attitude that has changed, since it is obviously not my "to do" list. I am content with the knowledge that "it" won't get done. I am able to be relaxed in the midst of it. What makes that difference, you ask?
Calibration. My mind, emotions, body and soul are calibrated accurately. Calibrated to what standard? I'll explain.
Luke 11:38-42 recounts the Biblical story of Mary and Martha, when Jesus came to visit their home. The Bible says that Mary "sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving." Martha complained to Jesus that Mary wasn't helping and here is Jesus' reply:
"But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion which will not be taken away from her."
Until I was a mother, I completely missed the part that is now revolutionary to me. The part that stands out to me now is the phrase "which will not be taken away from her." Aaahhh. In a world where everything is taken away from me, just after I complete it (dishes, laundry, diapers, homework, etc), it is refreshing to think of applying myself to something that WILL NOT be taken away. And what Jesus is referring to here is communion with Him.
I was taught the disciplines of Bible study and prayer as a teenager in my church's youth group, but it was motherhood that taught me my need to spend time alone with God, praying, meditating, and studying His Word. It is during this time that, metaphorically speaking, my heads comes above the water for a breath and I gain some perspective. I see that this world (and all that troubles me now) is temporal and I see more clearly the world I am made for, which is eternal. I am encouraged, convicted, comforted, and ready to be thrust back into it.
This is what I mean when I say that I'm "calibrated." In this time of communion with God, my whole self is re-calibrated according to what my Lord see as important. I am able to keep the valuable plates spinning. My expectations are set accordingly. And, when I re-enter my day after this time of adjustment, it lasts.
I know what Jesus was saying when he referred to this "one thing" that is necessary. It is that time of focused attention on Him, lest I go toward my natural inclination, which ME, ME, ME. All that serves ME and makes ME happy and comfortable. Everything and everyone who is irritating ME and letting ME down. In fact, what I really need in the way of "me time" is this re-calibration, which helps me forget about ME.
And, I know what he means when he says "it will not be taken away from her." Because, when I see my laundry basket and the endless tasks on my list after having been calibrated in my time with God, I am okay. I actually (brace yourself for this) enjoy it. What? Did I just say that? Yes! It's similar to the old adage - taking time to smell the roses. Except, it should be "taking time to smell the fabric softener." And, listen now, I love some good smellin' fabric softener. It is my second favorite smell, next to the smell of a car air conditioner when it first comes on. That tidbit was for free, dear readers.
And, so, the real answer to my original post was that I needed to park my little fussy self at the Lord's feet, as Mary did, and let him change me.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Waiting in Line
Have any of you ever gone shopping on Black Friday? If so, you'll easily relate. If not, you'll have to imagine joining the back of a check out line with your items, knowing that the line wraps all the way around the store before you even see the register. And, when you reach the front of that line (2 hours later) you meet a sales associate who gives you a ticket and says that you are now able to join the line where you will actually check your items out at the register. So, you've waited all this time in a preliminary line and are now progressing to the REAL check out line.
In our adoption process, we are basically at the front of the preliminary line and waiting for the ticket to the actual waiting line. That is, we are waiting for our approval letter to come, hopefully this week. When we receive the approval letter, the official wait begins. After that, we will be waiting for a call from our adoption agency that we have been chosen as the family a birthmom would like to place her baby with. The birthmom could be at any point in her pregnancy or there could be a baby that has been born and is at the hospital, ready to be picked up.
So, as you can see, once we get in the real check out line we have no idea how fast or slow it will be moving. Literally, our baby could come home with us in a matter of days, weeks, or months. We are trying to do what we can to be ready for any scenerio. The boys moved to their bedroom upstairs. The baby bed is up and the nursery is coming together. We were blessed to find a super great deal on a van and David sold his Jeep to help pay for it. So, we now have room for three carseats. I guess you could say that we are most definitely "sitting on GO." We'll keep you posted!
In our adoption process, we are basically at the front of the preliminary line and waiting for the ticket to the actual waiting line. That is, we are waiting for our approval letter to come, hopefully this week. When we receive the approval letter, the official wait begins. After that, we will be waiting for a call from our adoption agency that we have been chosen as the family a birthmom would like to place her baby with. The birthmom could be at any point in her pregnancy or there could be a baby that has been born and is at the hospital, ready to be picked up.
So, as you can see, once we get in the real check out line we have no idea how fast or slow it will be moving. Literally, our baby could come home with us in a matter of days, weeks, or months. We are trying to do what we can to be ready for any scenerio. The boys moved to their bedroom upstairs. The baby bed is up and the nursery is coming together. We were blessed to find a super great deal on a van and David sold his Jeep to help pay for it. So, we now have room for three carseats. I guess you could say that we are most definitely "sitting on GO." We'll keep you posted!
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